Grooves and whatnot

2010-01-27T21:37:00.010+08:00

I thought this was appropriate. It's lasting because the quality of this will never diminish.

2010-01-07T01:09:00.004+08:00

I don't really know what I'm doing awake at... (let me check) ... 1.10am in the morning. 7 Jan 2010. That many more days to?

Now Playing: Secrets - One Republic

No prizes for guessing what I'm listening to now. Having the door closed is rather effective. Minimal light travels out of the room to wake anybody up! What should have happened more than an hour ago, is me reading on my bed and nodding off.

So, I'm at a dilenma. On one hand, the apple has treated me well and it's perfectly alright continuing to bite the apple. But what if this apple has already been totally bitten off that the only thing left is the yellow core? For other people, the apple represents a truckload of potential waiting for their teeth to sink into. I could venture into blueberry territory, but there are many different types of blueberries in the world. Which one is the healthiest?

Another day at home later, or is it? One thing's for sure, I'm going to wake up early and lay down certain plans. I could step out of the front door, whisk by around town, but where could I go?

Speaking about town, I took two extremely long bus rides on Tuesday. 70 from home to Paya Lebar, and 857 from Suntec City to home. I've taken them before once, a long time ago, but on Tuesday, those rides seemed to take much more time than I ever imagined. I realised how the surroundings could have changed drastically, or that roads stretch out further when you pay attention to them. It's like a movie, where you sit on the bus gazing out of the window, as people flow in and out. Not to mention. I was supposed to alight but didn't know because the bus was packed with students going home after school. Although I realised and hastily pressed the bell at the right stop, the bus driver promptly drove off. When there more people, it's really noisier! Even if the people aren't talking.

There's the People's Choice Awards later! Then the Grammys, the Oscars. Pretty exciting. Not to forget, American Idol. Ellen, she says she will be evil, can we agree with her! Plus the guest judges at the auditions, Avril Lavigne & Neil Patrick Harris etc. :) This is Jan, okay Oscars isn't in Jan, I think. You know why I'm not going on to after January, don't you?

Believe me when I say I can't wait to talk to you. Certain things are sweeter, better and more memorable when you look back on what you definitely don't want to miss out, or can't do without, in the future.

2009-12-16T20:25:00.002+08:00

Who doesn't want to be Mike! Mike's wishes, Carlsberg. Tsk.

Kings and Queens by 30 seconds to mars sounds appetizingly good. Enticing, really. There's a chorus right at the end of the song! (irrelevant fact) I just realised the album Reality Killed The Video Star is not different from a small children's book. Haha. Except the pages are pictures of Robbie Williams and lyrics of his songs. And the album has a nice smell that I believe will never go away. No one knows I didn't fork out a single cent for the album!

Paramore. You know, Brand New Eyes is probably the only album where I like every single song in it. It's like soft rock to me. And I love the lyrics as well, incredibly witty. That's why I'm pumped that the band will be here in town! March 7. Okay I just checked, it's a perfect Sunday. But it depends on what March 8 in the calendar of my JC life has in store for me. And it's about 2 months after Green Day. Will I be able to spend the cash? I think, I know both will be unbelievable live.

The first weeks of December has "strengthened my resolve" to have a daughter in the (long) future. Hmm, oh well.

It's the end of a decade. So bloody fast! I vaguely recall a tiny wide-eyed version of me staring at the television screen, as celebrations to usher in the new millenium went on. I've been looking at the charts documenting the top songs of the decade. (Crazy In Love and Hey Ya appear everywhere!) Which got me thinking about my dedication to radio, or 987. The first time I truly listened to a song was in Sec 1, which occured simultaneously with the first time I tuned in to 987. I don't remember the details, but it just clicked. Clicks don't happen often. You try different things, but not many can sustain you. 987 made me silly, as some might know! At times, I've been really disappointed. It might not be a big deal, but 987 and music basically carried, accompanied me through secondary school.

I would be at Zouk Out, or Balaclava. Would I?

I turned 16 yesterday. What just happened? As Wen Zheng says, we're growing old! Less and less slack time, JC and beyond. Things will change drastically. I can't possibly imagine! Maybe someone will sport a moustache and own a motorcycle. Maybe I will see him/her nominated for Babe of the Year and go "omg!". Maybe I will hug you. All I can say is, watch out, 2010.

I'm watching Avatar tomorrow, and trust me, I'm looking forward to it.

2009-12-15T22:41:00.003+08:00

This feels private. I love you, so love me back!

Haha today is the day. Today, December 15th! And I'm telling you I turn 16. It's like any other day except for some huge differences. Firstly, there's this special feeling in my heart which emerged when the clock struck 12 and remains till now. It's the giddiness of knowing that, however selfish it sounds, today is December 15th, and it's supposed to hold a certain significance. Every birthday wish has elevated that special feeling in varying degrees. I don't want today to end. I might not have a cake and candles or do anything out of the ordinary to celebrate, but I could sit down all day and still not want today to disappear into a fading memory. Thank you kt for splurging on me despite my insistence otherwise!

Me sincerely thanks everyone who put in the extra effort to type an sms, facebook post or tweet! (Especially sms and tweets) Or call, in the case of Charles. Haha. I will name everyone. You know why? Because I want to. =)

Twitter - The 3 musketeers! (Haha I wonder how they will react to that) finaljoyride, lystargirl and whereismyjelly. =D

Facebook - Chongmin, Jim, Lionel, Jack, Kwun Tong, Lo Yee, Michael, Kailun, Richard, Darren, Rayden, Ying Feng, Ervin, Jasdeep, Lock Leong, Yuet Cheong, Han Bin, Yu Da, Bob, Haozhi, Krystal, Ming Chan, Suwe, Ting Wei and Jun Wei. =D

Sms - Ysabel, Samantha, Kwun Tong, Kevin, Debra, Wei Xuan, Delwyn, Guan Lin, Darren, Tabitha and Wen Zheng. =D

Haha Daryl too. Dhivian for his advance birthday wish, Dad and Uncle Chris.

And of course, the lovely e-mail from Wan Jing who took time off her shopping adventure in Hong Kong to (possibly grab a computer)!

Caps is kinda the "in" thing right now.

At the same time, while I'm being stuck in my own world, I realise I don't have the ability to bring everyone else into my own world.

2009-12-13T23:29:00.003+08:00

I'm nice, I really am, that's what I tell myself. It's not wise to doubt, I say, which means that there are unwise people around here.

I'm tired and getting ready for bed, but there is this part of my mind which refuses to allow me to sleep yet. "After all it's still early, right?" That part of my mind starts to lie blatantly. So I drag my ipod or my hp + earphones to bed. The lies continue! "A couple of songs will do." No, it will not do! Because I wake up hours later (or even worse, the next morning), turn to my side, stare at my ipod/hp next to me, and wail in despair. Okay no wailing! But internal frustration and anxiety at heavy exposure to radiation and shortened life expectancy. Hmm, come night time, it becomes a cycle all over again.

At this juncture, I'm extremely delighted and relieved that autosave was invented!

2009-12-13T02:30:00.002+08:00

You know, there are times when you just don't plan and everything that enters your mind simply comes rushing out. Maybe it's happening now. It's approaching 3 in the morning and I'm still up because of the match. Not to mention trying to make as little noise as possible, so certain people can continue sleeping and not wake up. It's going to be the same story tomorrow as well, but earlier. I can always hope for what I want, but things don't really turn out that way sometimes.

When I was young and went overseas for holidays, I wouldn't want to come back. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I would be looking forward to an extended period of time in a foreign country with different people, strangers whom I don't know and will never know unless fate intervenes. You might think, "Hey, what if I moved here? Look at a whole new experience." I thought that the feeling would grow stronger while I grew older, but, it didn't. It's not easy, moving, starting anew, or struggling desperately to erase past memories. Maybe I'm rooted to home. Maybe I feel disconnected. The fact remains, on the other side of the coin, being able to escape for a week, I relish it.

Look at the mountain ranges and huge white patches of snow. They may be beautiful, actually, they are beautiful. When you travel across a place where at intervals, everything blends perfectly together, it's a stunning sight. Living there is another story, it's terribly difficult. Nothing is predictable, not even the cold. You wonder how they survive, but people thrive under the most extreme circumstances.

Spending consecutive days with people, exchanging (or sneaking) looks constantly. Though how many times do they think of you? After 8 the cute factor and ability to attract attention drops.

The attack breaks down when the ball doesn't zip fast enough.

I have a question. Is it possible that decent guys smoke?

2009-07-27T20:39:00.002+08:00

Damn blogger

It's only because of my overwhelming feelings pushing me to type this post, nevertheless blogger should do well to watch out.

I know I can't afford to mismanage my time.
I know I have to study plants.
Somehow, I also know what the term "despicable" means.

Waiting until someone is on leave before informing her to literally pack her bags is indeed downright decent.
How many people go to work looking forward to the simple pleasure of the job they enjoy, yet not knowing it's their last day?
I certainly worry for your sense of hearing.
Please allow your ears to spend more time under the running water tap.
At least put some effort into inventing plausible reasons that can cover your blatant deceits and desperate excuses.
She connects with many people on different levels
Simply take a look at her legion of supporters
Threatened by her growing popularity?

I thought every single person was part of the family
Does the family not feel the loss?
Are they restricted from expressing how they feel
Or totally ignorant because it's not them?

Because I certainly feel the loss, the sense of emptiness. When something as significant as this gradually becomes a fixture in my life, I can't imagine it being taken away. Reality is not harsh, just unreasonable.

Something is missing, and will be missing forever. Not only have you lost her, you have lost a certain trust of many people. Yes, you have ironically allowed us to slip away when you wanted us nearer, don't you understand?

It will never be the same again. I always looked forward to the start of a new day because it felt like an out of the world experience, just you keeping me company. The phrase "forgetting all my troubles" fit perfectly during those three hours. Time would arrive at a standstill, only then could I truly feel at ease. Saying "you will be missed" is an understatement. Behind your bubbly voice lies your cheerful disposition, your strong personality clear as day. That one call embarrassed the shit out of me, but I will more likely bring the memory to my grave than not remember it. Thank you and good luck, sincerely from the bottom of my heart.

2009-07-24T00:33:00.003+08:00

The time of a new age goes around the loop
The love burns silently, occasionally flaming, but most of all
It stays strong, persistent and never fading
The way you would save her
The sacrifice you would make to be the wall
Between her and everything else
You would know, wouldn't you?
Turning around the world, always here, but never there
The understanding you would share
The time of an old age repeats its journey down the waterfall

We seem far apart, far far away from the throes of physical comfort
But the presence of this delicate string binds us
Drawing our thoughts, emotions and our hearts close
You look at me, and you look away, but in that one moment
The look told me everything I needed, desired but feared to know
Pain, longing, despair, hope, and a glimmer of which
I knew this would not be over
When would the pain ebb away?
When would I wake up every morning but not feel the emptiness within me and beside me?
When would the world, only, revolve around the two of us once more?
No one comprehends this unbreakable connection
I for one am not sure what, this, is as well
What you and I know is that when this started, there would never be an end
Depth into eternity, please
Every step away brings me closer towards you
One glance, one touch, one breath, one pure smile
What we have is not a trivial, insignificant concept of love
We are afraid
But not with your flawless face etched in my mind
This bond, a shimmering of lights, encapsulates us
Stay still, and never move

2009-07-08T22:12:00.000+08:00

Paris, wearing a black dress with white trim, turned a small patent-leather purse over in her hands as other family members spoke. And then a dramatic hush fell over the crowd as family members whispered that the little girl, whose lifetime of public exposure amounted to a small handful of paparazzi photographs, Paris-Michael wanted to say something.

She furtively emerged from the tight circle of family members, who rushed to lower the microphone to her level. And with her uncle Randy on one side and aunt Janet on the other, Jackson's little girl stood center stage.

'I just wanted to say,' Paris began weakly.

'Speak up, sweetheart, speak up,' Janet encouraged, sweeping the girl's long hair back. 'And get close.' Paris put one hand behind her neck, another on the microphone, and began again.

'Ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine,' she said, her tiny voice cracking.

Rebbie and Marlon Jackson moved in closer to comfort their niece.

She shut her eyes tight.

Then she wrapped her hands - little fingernails painted red - around the microphone and fought back tears as she continued: 'And I just wanted to say I love him - so much.' She collapsed in tears into her aunt's arms.

'It's okay, baby. It's okay,' Janet Jackson said as she held Paris close. Prince joined in on the hug.

And all at once, Jackson wasn't the larger-than-life King of Pop, or Wacko Jacko the tabloid freak. He was a doting father who had left three adoring young children behind.

He was 'Daddy.' -- AP

2009-06-24T22:25:00.001+08:00

How did Maria Sharapova lose?!

Thanks for getting me hooked onto the match! (Back to chinese now, sorry!)

2009-06-24T00:10:00.002+08:00

I definitely cannot, will not, am unable, am incapable of making it to December. *Humourless laughter*

Thank goodness for sleeping at 3am! When nothing else matters and time seems to stop.

Don't you crave the solitude? =D
I know you can't stand people watching you.
You despise familarity even more.

2009-06-18T11:50:00.005+08:00

I've been listening to ronan keating songs for the past hour, being influenced after reading cassandra's blog. It's a good thing actually, because I'm dying for classics. Modern pop/rock isn't doing the job now, not to mention dance/techno.

I'm still delirious after managing to call in to Soo at 2.40am, which meant that my voice is on national radio tonight. Maybe it's not that significant, but lying on the bed in the dark at 2.40am easily causes your emotions to be haphazard and run wild. I could sound like a duck (still remember), not pleasant but at least distinctly male. Something that can identify my gender, since my name can't do that job properly. I was rather nervous (shaky) that I didn't manage to dedicate Big Girls Don't Cry to people I wanted to dedicate it too. Argh!

Not very well, but there's always a second time.

The annoying toddler could be crying and making a nuisance, but don't you wish to be back in that position once again? We're growing too old, too old to be thinking of death.

And you wonder if she has feelings for you? Or if she is an empty hollow void, looking at you with the same expression, with the same intensity, with which she looks at 2000 other people who pass by her.

It's an uneasy feeling how the word "grandparents", especially "grandmother", has become an extremely sensitive subject, to me. Mentioning it in front of my parents, simply creates a tense, uncomfortable atmosphere. When people mention it, it simply drags back memories. It's true that you'll only miss a person terribly after she leaves. It's not only the reality of losing your grandparents before 15, not having them to witness your graduation, your wedding, but.
Guilt.
Guilt for treating her indifferently.
Guilt for not according her the respect she deserved.
Guilt for not loving her enough.
Guilt for never ever having the opportunity to say "I'm sorry".

And I wanted to smash my phone so badly. You will never go away, will you? The hate burns very brightly. It does.

2009-05-31T12:00:00.003+08:00

Maybe I've said enough (haha), but the BGT final was much better and more enjoyable than the FA Cup Final. Oh well, Chelsea won 2-1. I wanted Everton to win (obviously), but they weren't good enough. Never a repeat of 3-3 Liverpool-West Ham again?

And yes! It's Lakers vs Orlando in the NBA Finals. No more Cleveland, no more hype about LeBron James. Kobe and the Lakers will own the day, win that championship!

Hoping that Ivanovic and Sharapova wins today, while Safina loses. Ivanovic will beat Safina in the quarter-final anyway, even if Safina wins today.

Aidan Davis
Awesome dancer, great confidence, charisma, showmanship, star talent and quality, guaranteed to be a heartbreaker! Future dance king, teach me some moves? =P

Julian Smith
Plays the saxophone unbelievably well. Wrings our emotions through the way you perform with your heart and soul. Deserved third place!

Stavros Flatly and 2 Grand
Admire the wonderful father-son, grandfather-granddaughter relationship. Great advert for family entertainment. Rock on!

*Edit*

STOP BASHING DIVERSITY! Susan Boyle is an amazing spirit with a great voice. Definitely, bigger things (perhaps a contract) await her in the future. But Diversity is an awesome dance group and blew everyone away with 3 phenomenal routines. Absolutely deserved winners.

Anyway, it's refreshing how BGT has become a worldwide thing. Just heard 97.2FM and the 6.30pm Chinese News report the final result.

2009-05-31T10:56:00.005+08:00

This is why I love reality tv.
But above all, this is why Britain's Got Talent is the most amazing show to watch. No offense, but I love it so much more than the American version. From the hosts, Ant and Dec, to the judges, Piers, Amanda and Simon, to the great organisation of the show, and most importantly, the unbelievable talent.

Which other show is able to produce an unassuming 48 year old lady (someone whom you would never notice on the streets) who shoots to international stardom and gains worldwide acclaim in a week?

3 years, and I've not grown tired of it at all, and I doubt I ever will.
BGT is unexpected, diverse, comical, and full of genius.

Controversy. There isn't a show without it. Critics, individuals love to find anything they can to blow out of proportion. As I read somewhere before, what is a reality tv programme without controversy? It's simply rumours, mostly false, but creates hotly-contested debates, creates much interest. Everyone's talking about it, and I find it exciting. I find it amusing.

Personally, I don't care whether this person has signed a deal, produced an album or appeared on tv before, and hence shouldn't be on the show. What matters is I've never seen or heard of him/her before, he/she is amazingly talented and I love him/her. Favouritism? "This person has more time to perform than the others, unfair, show sucks, boycott!" What?!

Talented, great performance, pick up the phone to vote, through to the final. It's as simple as that.

Kids. Children. Hollie Steel. Should she have been given a second chance? Only the producers can decide. "Acted, Faked crying, No tears, Spoilt, Pampered by mother, Sympathy and pity vote, Unfair, Against the rules because no one else was given a second chance" That's what people have said that I have read. I can't judge how she was raised, and I don't read so much into it. She's 10, was nervous, buckled under the pressure, but recovered to perform beautifully. I won't call her brave, but I can't deny the amazing voice she has, the certain talent in her. Perhaps younger girls (Connie) had handled things better than her. Perhaps Jamie Pugh should have been given a second chance (but I doubt he can ever get over his nerves). Look at the final though, and how well Hollie did.

Now, the final was unbelievably fantastic. I honestly believe these are 10 of the most talented and deserving acts. Every single act performed brilliantly. The judges gave a standing ovation for 7 acts, that's pretty amazing, isn't it? Anyone could have won.
Only the first episode and Susan Boyle emerged, one could tell more jaw-dropping talent would arrive. And what a final indeed.

Diversity was my favourite, I've always supported them since they auditioned. Ashley is a genius choreographer, who else can put those moves together? Inventive, funny. All of them are great dancers. And the thing I love best about Diversity, they come from all walks of life. IT, Physics, Engineer, Students, University. Their relationship is a joy to behold. There and then, I thought without a doubt they were better than Flawless. Flawless delivered a stunning routine in the final, but Diversity topped it. But when Diversity won, I was shocked. Them vs (The one and only) Susan Boyle? But I was delighted, Diversity... can't describe how good they are.

Diversity is going to perform for the Queen at the Royal Variety Show! I wish I were part of the group and could dance as well as them. Haha.

Flawless, Shaheen Jarfagoli, Aidan Davis, Susan Boyle, Hollie Steel, 2 Grand, Shaun Smith, Stavros Flatly, Julian Smith and Diversity, THANK YOU very much for producing the best final ever. I can't wait for Britain's Got Talent 2010.

2009-05-06T20:36:00.002+08:00

Hoedown Throwdown!
Boom di clap boom di clap di clap = buy curtains from the shop.

I hope Kris Allen stays, but who would leave then? It's the most ideal top 4 ever. At least keep Allison! She's brilliant. All of them are anyway.

I shall go swimming

2009-05-04T21:33:00.003+08:00

It's become very unsightly! Turn one right around, up and down the skittle.
Too much reading to do, but I'm glad it's something as simple as reading. Check out all the classic songs to pump you up.
I wish Jaime Pugh's audition was longer. He should have sang more, I wanted to hear more! Now there's a male and child version of our favourite Susan? Too many singers, but Diversity will definitely dance to amaze anyway.
No good!

2009-04-07T21:14:00.002+08:00

Such a loser, ha ha. Screw irony, turn the tables. Fine, I'm speechless, the "best" gets the hounours isn't it?

D-e-s-e-r-v-e-s it no? Go get it then.

2009-03-23T21:30:00.003+08:00

C Div!

Triumphed 4-1 against HCI

All the way! Although I pooped -ily, I am really proud of the team today.
Well done, they can always improve!

It's our turn tomorrow. (Huge unspoken words/thoughts)

Test results were all mediocore. Everyone detests mediocore.
Maybe I can't be strong enough emotionally, for you.

2009-03-21T16:38:00.000+08:00

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2009-03-20T23:40:00.005+08:00

I had this sudden urge.

Can't think of words, when it's here, it smacks you right where it hurts.

2009-03-14T23:35:00.002+08:00

When I meet someone coincidentally along the streets, it's a refreshing feeling, because I don't usually see them in my everyday life. Yet, after awhile, my thoughts inevitably stray to certain events in the past. They aren't necessarily good or bad, but leave a strong, tingling sense of regret, where I really wish I knew this person better, that we had experiences we shared. But, simply put, you can't have the best relationship with everyone.

Embarrassment is nothing new. Humiliation, becomes, food for thought. Just to struggle to be relevant for someone once again, you act as the total fool. It backfires though, you end up feeling so stupid and more bitter than before. How do you console yourself? The same way, always the same way, it was already very empty a long time ago.

Maybe you've lost your value, just like I have

Watched Push today, and it really gave me a sense of not knowing what was going to happen next at all. One thing or another was always happening. And when the Chinese guy screams, I was afraid my ears were going to bleed too. At the last part, I was hoping that Dakota Fanning would appear out of nowhere to be the saviour. Well, she did appear. Then the gunshot, I was expecting it, but still jumped out of my seat. Easily shaken, that's why horror movies are out of bounds.

I don't know how the advertisements are placed in newspapers, if they are indeed strategically placed. But a fairly big-sized ad about toothpastes (or toothbrushes or something dental related) beside the article about the school shooting in Germany is rather weird. It kinda... detaches you from the emotions you're supposed to feel.

Imagine how crucial the next week must be. Then it's the nationals, which is just unpredictable. That's how the future is.

Liverpool 4 (you know the rest)

2009-03-09T21:00:00.002+08:00

It's unbelievably irritating how ironic it is.

I didn't want to watch The Amazing Race last week because I was afraid Kris and Amanda were going to be eliminated, since the preview mentioned that they made a huge mistake. Yet they finished second. This week, I watched with high expectations of Kris and Amanda doing well again, but most ironically, they were eliminated. It's not as if Kris and Amanda were weak or made a costly slip-up, they did better than most teams, as usual. Only for X and Y to blindside them in a most horrible manner. Just like a typical Survivor cut-throat. Argh. What's up with that! The most undeserving team to ever be eliminated, and The Amazing Race is not so amazing anymore because the rest of the teams are just plain boring. As for X and Y, they must really think lousily of themselves since they can't win without U-Turning.

Maybe some American will google "Kris and Amanda", chance upon this excerpt, and agree with me. Or if you disagree, and are pissed, simply go back and support your X and Y. IYF!

Sole thinks I can't handle it anymore
Choosing to type this post proves just that

2009-03-06T21:17:00.002+08:00

19 *Nineteen* One Nine

Chemistry practical was okay. I'm usually clueless at practicals. Put me in any lab and hand me an experiment, I'll stare blankly at you. That's why I thought titration last year was going to be a disaster. Fortunately, QA only requires the art of pouring chemicals into nasty little test tubes.

The only music I've been listening to recently is either 987fm or Kelly Clarkson's new songs. The first time I heard the songs I wasn't sold, but they gradually sounded more awesome by the minute. Some tunes bring back the nostalgic feeling of "Breakaway", I love it.

Nothing ever happens. Maybe the place where I live at is really quite peaceful. No incidents, and hardly any people. The management should really create some new initiatives, but I guess they're busy repairing everything, such as the door. Things do spoil easily, I have no idea why. Still, a minimart somewhere would be good? Or have a lollipop stand by the swimming pool? Maybe an ice cream shop at the tennis court. Okay stop thinking about food. A bowling alley please. And it's been a long time since I used the back gate. They need to decorate it, sprinkle snow or spray paint.

AI Wildcard time. I would definitely be the first to be voted out on Survivor

19

2009-02-22T22:00:00.002+08:00

Sunday night would usually mean getting prepared for monday blues the next day, but since there's no school tomorrow, it should be time to relax isn't it? Apparently not. Night time has a tendency to spell conflict.

Saturday afternoons and Sunday afternoons are mostly wasted away slacking like nobody's business. I can't break out of that trend, how annoying. One moment, there's nothing to do, and another moment, there are simply so many things waiting to be done.

I know the racquets I use somehow break more easily, but it's not intentional. I can't believe you can be so obsessed with numbers and profit from it, but get all worked up over this.

Now that I've opened my mind to the fact that S and D don't have to be together, xoxo is more interesting than ever.

2009-02-17T20:12:00.003+08:00

Why didn't you slap me across the face? One on the right cheek, one on the left cheek, and another for good effect. That would have been something to remember. I'm afraid of you now, not that I wasn't before, but the fear has heightened.

Maybe it's time to give up. You're not doing much, and I'm tired of constantly doing too much. I can see when you're hurt, but you can't even tell when I'm hurt. If this is what is going to happen, I have no idea how to move on anymore.

Hit me once, I'll clench my fists and grit my teeth
Hit me twice, I'll yell in agony
Hit me thrice, I'm paralysed

Don't make this be the Game Of Life

Other than the fact that certain individuals should shut up and leave other people to do what they have to do, there's swim carn tomorrow. And the start of the league. How important it is that tomorrow has to go well. It's all drawing closer, and closer.

2009-01-26T20:34:00.003+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!

Avril Lavigne - Slipped Away (Live in Budokan)

One of my favourite live performances

2009-01-25T11:48:00.007+08:00

Finally!

*Video Disabled*

Now it's time to get down to serious business.

2009-01-23T20:05:00.012+08:00

The Muttons are back!

That's the drawback of my pitiful memory, I can't remember much of what happened this week, except for today. Plus I continue to forget to collect my IC, and find out what happened to my 2008 lit file. The TA could have been done so much better.

Though, I received a really... incredulous call. A guy (I'm assuming) called Ashton, from California Fitness, phoned to say that a friend of mine had recommended me for the club membership. He was really soft-spoken, and that was what I gathered from trying to understand him. Firstly, Ashton knew my name. Secondly, to the mysterious friend of mine, what can I say? [The only person who has ever mentioned "California Fitness" to me is... O.O] Apparently, I have a six month free membership trial (??) and I was supposed to go to the club the next day to collect my pass (??)

This morning was CNY Talentime! Truthfully, I enjoyed myself while performing. It was fun and ended all too fast. It wasn't perfect, hardly any performance is. But I didn't feel pressurized in front of a faceless audience, compared to being in front of faces I know.
After lit lesson, accompanied a nice and fairly amusing person who managed to get lost within J8. All I can say is, I'm pro-er at finding books!
Training was cool. With NSL matches every Wednesday night (approaching), and inter-school soon to follow, it's far from enough.

Waiting, and waiting, and waiting for the brilliant music video of "I Will Be". Waiting for it to be a big hit. Leona ftw!

I cannot believe Ivanovic lost again! And Liverpool have been poor.

Scgs friendly tomorrow morning

2009-01-23T18:55:00.004+08:00

If you misunderstand me, there's nothing I can do.
If you despise me, I'll conceal it within the recesses of my heart, however much it throbs.
As long as you aren't hurt because of me, for I doubt I can take it.
Don't forget you have the potential to cut me open.

I'm forever thirsty, and there's neither milk nor soya bean in the fridge.

The first time left an undesirable feeling. The second time left a haze of incredulity. Life is more than fragile. Most of the time, you aren't as strong as you perceive yourself to be. What hits me is the path they never got to walk, the future they never got to experience. They led fulfilling lives, no doubt about that. Nevertheless, there was still so much more left to be explored, to learn, to understand, and to love. Treasure what you have, for you never know what might happen the next minute, but what about the most important dream that you have been waiting to realise all your life, yet death cruelly took it away from you? Life is not a switch that can be turned on and off to suit the occasion.

I sincerely hope they are residing in a blessed and better place than this scary globe.

2009-01-16T21:34:00.007+08:00

Officially pimpled badly! Ugly horrible things, go away.
Reached home so late today! I hardly have dinner at 9.
All the homework to complete! Need, must work hard.
Spending too much money! Start to cut cost.
Utter doom and gloom! Darkness down the stretch.
Total humiliation! Mind and heart crack.

Wasting all the time in the world la laa laaa

Oh ie oh ie me need new hot songs uh huh!

2009-01-09T22:30:00.005+08:00

Samuel was right, the skin on my sunburnt nose started to peel.

It's been a tiring week, but I'm only feeling the exhaustion right now. The weekend seems too short. I know it'll be monday in the blink of an eye.

JRIC went really well. Especially during the batch song, and I truly understood what it meant by the warm emotion in the pit of your stomach. Sec 4 feels unbelievable all over again, sitting at the gallery watching them take our places where we were at 3 years ago. There has always been only one chance for every milestone of our lives. We can never return to that opportunity once past, except to simply remember our experience, regardless of the value. It can be unfair, or regretful. It feels like I'm going to be leaving a part of myself behind at the end of the year. Although school has been unpleasant at certain points, I would be lying if I say RI life hasn't been memorable.

2009 is going to be more unpredictable than ever. The NSL looks to be something new that the squad is going to participate in, to gain match experience. I have no idea how that will turn out.

The people you know, they make you feel awful in so many different ways that are difficult to comprehend. You really want to find out if you make them feel as bad, or if they feel for you as you feel for them.
Lonely little person, you are deluding yourself into thinking you have accepted the fact that their heights surpass yours.

2009-01-02T20:01:00.007+08:00

Just one evening and I've proven my stupidity twice.

First day of 2009 and I was at the hospital yesterday. My poor brother has an eye infection, which doesn't seem to be getting better but swelling instead. I really hope he recovers soon, because this could become a whole lot worse.

Today was back to school, a brand new year, a brand new Sec 4, a brand new mindset. Oldest! Nothing much has changed though, we even had a particular person's usual, passionate outburst to grace the occasion this morning. Except Wendi and Huanhui's hairstyle. I'm not sure which came as more of a shock. And in class, a few things are going to be turned upside down. Upside downnn! As for the restrictions, I'm treating it as hanging out with a particular friend of mine. =)

Michael, you slept through kt's glass-shattering performance! =D

2008-12-31T22:07:00.003+08:00

987 Top 100 Countdown!

1. Apologize – One Republic ft. Timbaland
2. Low – Flo Rida
3. Take A Bow - Rihanna
4. Stronger – Kanye West
5. With You – Chris Brown
6. 4 Minutes – Madonna ft. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland
7. Always Be My Baby – David Cook
8. Check Yes Juliet – We The Kings
9. Crush – David Archuleta
10. Fall For You – Secondhand Serenade
11. Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
12. That’s Not My Name – The Ting Tings
13. No One – Alicia Keys
14. Easy – Paula DeAnda ft. Bow Wow
15. Nine In The Afternoon – Panic At The Disco
16. Touch My Body – Mariah Carey
17. Built To Last – Melee
18. I’m Yours – Jason Mraz
19. When You Look Me In The Eyes – Jonas Brothers
20. Stop And Stare – One Republic
21. Shake It – Metro Station
22. See You Again – Miley Cyrus
23. Teardrops On My Guitar – Taylor Swift
24. Disturbia - Rihanna
25. Viva La Vida - Coldplay
26. Burning Up – Jonas Brothers
27. The Man Who Can’t Be Moved – The Script
28. Lucky – Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat
29. Better In Time – Leona Lewis
30. Teenage Love Affair – Alicia Keys
31. Pictures Of You – The Last Goodnight
32. Don’t Stop The Music - Rihanna
33. 7 Things – Miley Cyrus
34. Hate That I Love You – Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo
35. When I Grow Up – Pussycat Dolls
36. Kiss Kiss – Chris Brown ft. T-Pain
37. Hero/Heroine – Boys Like Girls
38. Potential Breakup Song – Aly & AJ
39. When I’m Gone – Simple Plan
40. Love In This Club – Usher ft. Young Jeezy
41. Empty – The Click Five
42. Misery Business – Paramore
43. Gimme More – Britney Spears
44. Forever – Chris Brown
45. Handlebars - Flobots
46. Happy Birthday – The Click Five
47. One Step At A Time – Jordin Sparks
48. Superstar – Lupe Fiasco ft. Matthew Santos
49. No Air – Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown
50. Damaged – Danity Kane

I thought there was something wrong too. But unfortunately, this is what it is. Cheers!

2008-12-31T17:10:00.001+08:00

987 Top 100 Countdown!

51. Shadow Of The Day – Linkin Park
52. I Got It From My Mama – will.i.am
53. Crushcrushcrush - Paramore
54. Beat It – Fall Out Boy ft. John Mayer
55. Love Song – Sara Bareilles
56. Bubbly – Colbie Caillat
57. Whoa Oh! (Me vs. Everyone) – Forever The Sickest Kids
58. The Best Damn Thing – Avril Lavigne
59. How I Could Just Kill A Man – Charlotte Sometimes
60. This Is Me – Demi Lovato & Joe Jonas
61. I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time – Mariah Carey ft. T.I.
62. SOS – Jonas Brothers
63. Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) – Wyclef Jean ft. Niia, Akon & Lil Wayne
64. Tattoo – Jordin Sparks
65. Thunder – Boys Like Girls
66. American Boy – Estelle ft. Kanye West
67. Heartbreaker – will.i.am ft. Cheryl Cole
68. Pocketful Of Sunshine – Natasha Bedingfield
69. Elevator – Flo Rida ft. Timbaland
70. That’s What You Get – Paramore

2008-12-30T20:34:00.006+08:00

Stupid economic recession

I was wondering what it would be like if my friends lived in their own houses, and I could visit them whenever I wanted. Vice versa. Pop by, take them by surprise, chill out in front of the tele with a load of snacks, and simply talk the day away. Some people don't have to wonder.

It sounds like a mantra, but pretty unbelievable that tomorrow is 2008 and the day after is 2009. The orientation camp doesn't seem like a week away, but far in the future. School's starting, and I'll be dumbstruck when the teachers launch into whatever they've prepared. My brain's turned rusty. As shown when I could barely keep up with the flow of riddles. =P (But that was part of what made me love Sunday) I remember less and less as I grow older. Ironic. Or is it because there are more things than ever?

I always see the villian whenever I step out into the living room and Little Nonya is on tele. Talk about coincidence. By the way, the earth is rotating slower. Which means that international clocks have to be turned back by one second. O.o
Woke up feeling bleary today. It wasn't raining, like yesterday, but blazing hot instead. Funny weather, considering we're still in December. Off to psl dry run, and my mum drove me to school for the first time. With my dad right beside her, of course. She's improving, but still terrible with directions. I have a feeling she's totally unaware of everything that's outside the car when she isn't driving. Heh. Oh, and we recently added a new member into the family. Lovely little one called vios. Right. Psl dry run, we learned a dance, taught by the ever-cheerful joshua. Maybe it's really time for those lessons, to pick up something, and approach that spotlight dream later. Joking, mostly~ Lunch was amusing to see kt get "freaked out" by pig intestines.

Oh and I'm bummed that the muttons aren't going to be on air from 10 to 12 tomorrow night! After the top 100 countdown. They did such a great job on new year's eve last year, I loved it. Maybe soo will take over. Or are they all packing off to siloso beach?! I predict apologize as number one, bleeding love among the top five. Happy advanced 20th birthday, 987fm!

I dreamt about SFLS and OIP for the second time. Must really miss you guys very much.

Did you actually teach me something about friendship? That it's either all about giving, or receiving only when giving? Or am I imagining too much again?

2008-12-27T00:55:00.004+08:00

Last thursday, last friday, last saturday of the year.

Yay for sports, personally, because both Lakers and Liverpool won. Convincingly. Everything clicked, but it felt lame after the third goal.

I need to sleep, if it doesn't rain tomorrow, or rather later, I'll have to run. Something which I should be used to.

I can't believe he decided to dress himself as santa claus, crash a christmas gathering, kill 9 people and shoot an 8 year old girl in the face. Execution-style. 8 year old girl in the face. Probably ruined her life. On christmas eve too. I don't pretend to understand what went through his mind or the complications in his life previously. Whatever feud he had with his ex-wife or ex-in-laws, this massacre is twisted beyond belief. He might have been a pleasant man, I can't doubt that. But right now, his actions seem to indicate that he's nothing more other than a disgusting, vile, low-life piece of scum.

A coward who simply killed himself but brought no justice to anyone. How can it be unfair to pass judgement?

2008-12-25T21:30:00.002+08:00

Christmas

The Little Nonya creeps me out. It just does. I know it's a great show, "watched by more people compared to the Beijing Olympics", as someone never fails to repeat over and over again.

Lunch happened at Changi Airport Terminal 3. Terminal 3 is... attractive, in my opinion, have I said that before? You would've seen it as a shopping centre if not for the screens displaying the arriving and departing flights. Today's probably the second time when I'm at the airport but not for the purpose of leaving the country. I loved it when I was younger, tied in with the subtle awe at being about to go overseas.

And I was at this small bookstore, flipping through magazines, peeking at Breaking Dawn. I felt like buying most of the books, only because of their highly interesting cover pages. Then I picked up a real-life account of a woman falsely imprisoned for 20 years, found in possession of drugs she never knew about, when her only intention was to enjoy her innocent holiday. Well, I might have described it badly, but the story sickened me.

Bowling. My favourite number with another number in front. The misses, pin here, pin there, were a "harsh reality check". I don't let it show, because it certainly gets annoying! I discovered one thing though, the ball travels straight when you bend down lower before releasing it, but this doesn't guarantee a strike. (For me it never did)

Dinner where I felt extremely uncomfortable and didn't have any appetite at all.

Homework. Right...

2008-12-22T22:50:00.002+08:00

Justin's christmas jokes are hilariously lame.

If you don't wish to speak to me, say so. Unless you already took the initiative to "leave me alone". You probably don't know how difficult it is to spend every minute wondering about what goes through your mind, anticipating your reactions, attempting to make you laugh, and reacting the way you want. Never stopped trying though, because this means something. And that something is pretty significant.

There are actually times when I'm on a bus feeling dirty and sweaty carrying a huge black sports bag, believe it or not. Obviously, the circumstances don't call for a cheerful mood. Then, two seats next to me are free. And of course, I'm intent on simply preparing to sit down. Well, I don't expect an obnoxious guy to push past me roughly, as if I'm invisible, to snatch the seats away. While he's rejoicing in being able to rest his butt, he doesn't know about the grudge that I'm starting to hold against him. Blessed ignorance.

Christmas. It's serene and festive at the same time. Is that possible?

I can't believe it's going back to the same situation as it was last time. I thought we moved past it, especially after the experiences over the holidays. I thought we changed, for the better. But nothing is ever for the better, isn't it? We can't revert, we really can't.

Love at first sight. That's awfully nice.

2008-12-15T23:10:00.002+08:00

Thank you to every single person who made this day special for me simply through your kind wishes! I really appreciate it, nothing extravagant, just pleasant.

Although I learnt not to dwell, certain things are such an important part of my life that their presence can't be hidden because I say so. Talent and I might not cross paths, and it's not my place to determine what I deserve, but don't take the fact that I've worked hard away from me. Unfortunately, work rate hardly counts for anything in this world, delivering the right results is what truly matters. I had my chance.

I didn't take it.

That means it comes back to me ultimately. My own fault.

Doesn't it hurt? I've always had doubts, but not this time. Don't say I've not worked hard, not concentrated, not made sacrifices. Because you're so wrong it's not even remotely funny.

I haven't made a specific birthday wish. What do I want?

You are my life now

2008-12-08T19:05:00.004+08:00

1. What's your full name?
Lazy Inconsequential Mope

2. Are you single?
Unfortunately, or rather, fortunately YES

3. What is your favourite number(s)?
24 (My lucky number, according to the fortune cookie)

4.What is/are your favourite colour(s)?
Red

5.Least favourite colour?
Green (Your fault, Swan!)

6. What are you thinking right now?
Of why things couldn't be more meaningful, or is it just me

7. Are you happy with your life right now?
Not exactly, there are 1001 things that could be improved on

8. What are your favourite subjects in school?
Math

9. Do you shop at malls?
Yes, I can't think of anywhere else to shop

10. Where do you wish to be right now?
At OIP

11. What should you be doing now?
Homework or Training (fighting hard to be positive)

12.Do you have a crush on anyone?
It's a "Do", not "Did" question. NO

13.When was the last time you bought a clothing item?
Very recently! The mild shopping spree in California... my jacket =D

14.What was the last thing you drank?
Water. Helps my constant coughing fit. There it is again.

15.Do you hate liars? Do you hate backstabbers?
They only want one thing. To break my heart.

16.Can you make yourself sneeze?
Not talented enough!

17. Do you fall for people easily?
In love? No.

18.What does your last text message read?
A long message that I wouldn't want to trouble you with reading.

19.Are you too forgiving?
I don't hold grudges... hardly. But otherwise, I forgive easily. Though I should not be a pushover D=

20.How many windows are open on your computer?
2

21.Who was your last call from?
Johnson, who asked me to go to the MRT station. If only I were an American.

22.What do you do with most of your time?
Waste it away... =(

23.Will you and your ex get back again?
In most cases, no

24.Do you sleep with the tv on?
Doubt so... too much guilt the next morning over wasted resources

25. Which of your close friends live the closest?
Uhh... I'm not sure.

26.Which item could you not live during the day?
Huh?

27.Would you share a drink with a stranger?
That would be horribly awkward for both parties, no?

28. How was your weekend?
Jumbled... I left LA Saturday morning, but it was Sunday morning here. Time difference.

29. Do you believe ex(s) can be friends?
Why torture yourselves by avoiding each other?

30. The last person you quarreled with?
My mum

31. The way to win your heart?
Love me unconditionally

32. What did you do last night?
Sleeping on the plane, uncomfortable

33. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
I think... no one in the world has the same name as me

34. Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend?
*Groans* Stop confusing me to tears!

35. One song that is meaningful to you?
Tomorrow, Avril Lavigne

36. Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?
Depends whether I'm in a twirling or scooping mood, it's pretty subconscious.

37.Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
No.

38. How long is your hair?
You mean "How short is your hair?"

39. Do you like Batman?
He's passable

40. Who was the last person who told you they love you?
Umm... who? Never?

41. When was the last time you sang out loud?
3 weeks ago in the shower (in Shenzhen)

42. What did you have for breakfast?
Prawn Mee! Haven't had local food for a month.

43. Is your birthday on a holiday?
Omg my birthday. Don't send my heart racing.

44. Can you cook?
If you teach me. Otherwise, I'm utterly hopeless.

45. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
I don't know... In fact I don't know where I got all my singlets from.

46. What was the reason for the last trouble you were in?
For not paying attention

47. Which do you wear more- sweats or jeans?
Definitely jeans

48. When is your birthday?
Soon.

49.Do you swear alot?
Under my breath.

50. What was your first alcoholic drink?
Beer? Tiger Beer?

51. Do you have any regrets?
Yeah, and they continue to make me feel awful

52. Who would you like to see now?
Someone who could truly make me happy

53. Has the cops ever been to your house?
No! I live in a peaceful neighbourhood, thank you very much.

54. Are you a social or antisocial person?
I am both at different times.

55. Who are your best friends? Are you still friends with them?
They know who they are. They wouldn't be my best friends if I weren't friends with them, right?

56. Ever been in love?
No. What's that? Looking forward to it.

57. Ever had braces?
Never needed them. =)

58. What do you wear to bed?
Red and white pajamas

59. Who was the last person who disappointed you?
Myself

60. Do you trust people?
I try, but I can get suspicious, which I hate

61. Who was the first person you talked to today?
My mum

62. Who was the first person who texted you today?
Wen Zheng

63. What was the first thing you did today?
Wake up

64. 10 people to tag
Anyone!

Dread
Unwell
Piercing
Hurt

You chose us, then dumped a group who didn't deserve it

2008-12-08T16:48:00.002+08:00

Right now, I still admire Rebecca Addlington (after a newspaper article), I'm still backing Diana Vickers (after weekly 4 minute videos), and I still envy Nick and Starr's unbreakable bond.

I haven't forgotten that today's grandma's birthday, even though it's been 30 months since she left. No one has yet to know the guilt, regret and longing that simmers within me whenever I think of her, until now.

The past month might not be the most amazing experience in my life, but it has been more than fulfilling, enriching, not beautiful, but something I would savour forever. It should have had been a whirlwind, and I'm surprised I didn't find it difficult to adapt to wherever I was. Having stared at different people, I convinced myself of one thing. I'm not even 15, to say that I have a long road ahead of me is an understatement. I have time, years (although they won't wait for me) to do things that I relish, to feel like I've never felt before but to be content at the same time, to be proud of who I am. Will I be able to do it though? Nevertheless, a huge doubt just has to cloud relentlessly over my mind.

Honestly, I missed my friends and 初二一班 to an extent that once or twice, they frighteningly appeared in my dreams. The America that I went to, it felt like I barely saw anyone for 6 days. Barren mountains over barren contours. That was how much travelling we did. Until Disneyland, which was overcrowded with people. How ironic!

There was this thing I did on the bus... while staring out of the window into the pitch black environment, to try to listen to a complete song and its lyrics, not letting any other thought enter my mind. I never succeeded. Within 10 seconds, the walls around my mind would gradually crumble and allow jumbled, ugly thoughts to hit me. That's how weak my resolve is.

To be able to watch the sun rise over the Grand Canyon was, rightfully, a wonder. We missed the sunset, but the Grand Canyon itself is breathtaking. "An immovable object can be majestic in every sense of the word" I wanted to stand there motionless, in the freezing cold that was turning my nose and ears numb, and simply feel blessed for witnessing such a sight. So I tried to imprint that picture in my mind. Not forgetting the bonus. To think I was in the coldest place -minus 6 degrees- I had ever been in my life... while the tour guide stripped like it was nobody's business. And stayed topless too.

Stepping into Las Vegas, it didn't reach my all-too-high expectations. Flashy, but not flashy enough. Probably because I'm not 21 and can't totally immerse myself into this place "that never sleeps". Somehow, it's not enough just to be surrounded by heavily decorated jackpot machines and gaming tables in a casino. The luxurious hotels are another matter. Calling them high-class barely touches the truth. There was this hotel, Caesars Palace, that had 150 lavish, branded shops. Imagine the experience... and that's not the best yet.

I am who I am, different from who I was a few years back, and different from who I will be in a few years. If there's anything I learnt, it's that you will forever be clinging at straws if you never stop thinking that talent evades you and desire is not enough.

I'm willing to bet that you would never ever want to be in my shoes, because your shoes have too many memories that you can't leave behind for anything in the world.

2008-11-26T00:36:00.000+08:00

I LOVE 初二一班

2008-11-09T19:26:00.009+08:00

100th post!

I wish I had a collection of these!

Flooring of Suntec City! If you look carefully enough, you can't see my shadow.

Look at the nice white phone!

There aren't any more pictures left. Bye Bye.

2008-11-07T20:05:00.002+08:00

They're having graduation dinner now, something super duper uber fun and cool that we most probably won't get to enjoy next year. Evil.

Second last post before I'm whisked away to China. I'm waiting for this labtop to run out of battery before I can charge it to play Fifa 08. Almost finished reading Brisingr, more than 100 pages to go and I have to be done with it before monday. I don't know if I can. =( Oh... regarding that, I watched/listened to Obama's 100% charismatic acceptance speech before dinner. And I have his belief stuck in my mind.

"Yes We Can"

Speaking about videos, david archuleta's album is one of the best I've heard! Though I've not heard many albums. =P But still, every song in there is good, and some are awesome. 200% worth listening to. As usual, not everyone will agree with me. I'm pretty sure (a few) of those entertainment sites will give it a mediacore rating. Zzz. The thing is, I can't buy it even if I want to. Released here the exact same day when I'm whisked away. =( It's okay, I'll find him personally in hollywood. Ta-da. Meanwhile, listened to preview of david cook's album, a tad bit disappointing. Prove me wrong!

When will I get a chance to enjoy one full session of Pillowfight? =(

Everything I do now, it'll be the last thing I do on a weekday before.

Even OIP is confusing. Trivially, I'm afraid I'ld forget to bring this and that, important items or such. I hope I'll feel comfortable with my hostess (or host) within 5 minutes of getting to know each other. That would help alot! Treading on water around someone you're living with for 2 weeks is known as misery. I feel helpless, a closed-off slacker. I want to contribute, believe me, but I'm partly afraid to, or I don't know how to. That sounds totally useless, I know, and we all know complaining is retarded when one can't act. You know how dumb the usual roundabout conflict is...

While everything just became 10 times dumber

Not to mention that there's this tight group of people who seem impossible to break through.

And I can't imagine two worlds spinning apart,
Come together eventually
And when we finally meet
I'll know it's right
I'll be at the end of my restless road
But this journey, it was worth the fight
To be with you

Exactly what I meant. Thank you Kara.

2008-11-06T22:30:00.003+08:00

What's the red icon, shaped like the letter E, that's been plastered on bus stops and mrt stations all over Singapore? "Fuzzy Wuzzy" I can't belive I've not seen it anywhere.

I usually take hours to type a simple post, and now I estimate that I have only 10 minutes to let my words flow. And it's impossible, because writing is like reading to me. I have to revise multiple times. My mind's unsurprisingly blank, not to mention heavy.

A few more days, and I won't be home for a month. It's fun, to think that I'll be virtually travelling the distance of half the world. I'm still young, yes I am =), which means I enjoy airplane flights. I just figured out why. It's because they're super quiet and peaceful, and I can be in my own world. Lol gosh I only figured that out a minute ago. Ahem. Okay... I'll be back a week before (that special day) with an armload of photos!

See what I meant? 10 minutes are up. But I'm going to continue, since I can't find any information about civilization growing on self restrain. What's that even mean? *crossed eyes*

Been dancing to "We're All In This Together", apparently overrated. XD Pray tell I don't dance like a robot, it's worse than not dancing at all. Not too late for the first step to my dancing career either. =) Speaking about steps, I'll remember those steps for the rest of my life. Ingrained. Maybe I could put them to good use in the future, where there are 2 emcee/s?

When I'm about 24, if that competition is still around, I'll put my hand on the car and try to last for 4 days. Since I'm so restless, survivng past an hour will already be crazy. Or I could surprise everyone to win the car. Muahaha. I'll help you out this time if you don't understand what you're reading. It's called the Subaru Challenge. Hehheh.

Time for something mind-blowing. Umm...

2008-11-05T20:39:00.009+08:00

This was me sleeping in class last week! Unfortunately, this picture doesn't show my stylish new hair that attracts alot of positive attention. =( I remember I was an hour late to school that day. Sorry lah! Only slept at 1am because of the all too entrancing leona lewis; videos. Very tired seh! Wakakakaz

When next year arrives, you'll see more of this. Sometimes. Hehheh. Which means taking unnoticed pictures at unnoticed times. But don't hold me to it, because it's not my inspiration, though seemingly...

This is some guy called mitchy playing some game. He's a total weirdo, if you ask me. Tsk Tsk!

Shock you, for all it cares. As I'm using a font-unfriendly computer, the things about releasing many many colourful balloons into the air and dancing to "we're all in this together" the entire morning have to shelved.

2008-10-29T20:38:00.003+08:00

Go Diana! While someone continues to remain paranoid about me becoming deaf.

I absolutely love these two songs from hsm THREE

Can I have this dance?
I'm greatly touched and I really want to have this dance.
"Now won't you promise me"

Scream
"The day door is closed"

Kailun's going to malaysia instead, which means our 2IC will be missed!

Sometimes when my hands are too tired to lift the book I'm reading, I wish it would hang floating in the air for me. Wouldn't it be so much easier, if I could just lie back against my pillow, with my book hovering in front of my eyes, and the pages flipping at the pace I want them to? Plus a spell that prevents me from falling asleep.

You know how people have dreams and aspirations? My dream, which I came up with 30 seconds ago, is to have my song reach number 1 on the billboard hot 100 chart! I'll have to give myself a special name. How about the one that only one or two people currently know`;

A good friend of mine advised me some time ago not to think too much, and I'm still figuring out how.

You pretend you're her and I pretend I'm him, that's why it was never going to work out. They say two different worlds roll past each other, but we never stopped trying to make them mix.

2008-10-28T21:26:00.005+08:00

It's catchy! Laugh!

Sometimes I don't even remember why I said those things =(

I had a dream. It went along the lines of my family and I having to die, although it seems like we didn't do anything wrong. Framed, but not exactly framed. There was this biggest organisation/company involved, and 10 rich titans (we were one of them?). Basically, we were turned against, possibly by the other 9 titans. I remember one of them looming over us and booming in a loud voice. We probably did something wrong, but it wasn't entirely our fault. We escaped, and we had to die. I was afraid to die and I didn't know how to, so I threw sweets on the floor, covering them with germs before picking them up to eat, where maybe I could fall seriously sick. Somehow or another, we ended up at the Great Wall of China (although I've never been there before in reality) rushing hurriedly and there was a long line of people in front + behind us. Suddenly, we turned back and saw the 9 titans. Time to run.

Once again, somehow, we ended up in a dark, quiet and empty courtyard (in Germany, probably) surrounded by apartments, buildings. My dad was really pissed and agitated, and he accidentally released a ball of fire that blasted apart half of a building. We got scared and quickly walked off, only to meet someone (who in actual fact is a guy from 3A). He, one of the 9 titans but less evil, had a machine gun on a tripod. We were facing each other and he said in a creepy voice, "I can't forgive you for betraying us". My dad stalked off, and I pleaded with him not to shoot us. I believe he let us go!

poor.

2008-10-28T20:19:00.004+08:00

Don't over-analyse what you read; here, take it at face value

I like diana, possibly as much as leona. "Waha! even their names rhyme" Diana's just unique and she sounds totally fresh. Pop the champagne if she wins!

High school musical 3 seems awesome. Through hearsay, because I haven't watched it. But one thing, the soundtrack's really nice. =) Let me have this dance!

Haha and liverpool suffocated chelsea. They had no space. Wouldn't it be lovely if the standings remained the same when next May arrives?

Math - Something went missing. 5.5 to be specific.
Chem - Disappointment
English & Bio - Earth-shattering; blown to smitherins

Someone once said "One must wonder why one is not good at bio." Excuses, I probably cursed myself the other day. The hollow truth, I didn't study hard enough? Hahaha I don't even know! One word: sucks
If tomorrow's going to be like today, I very well can't imagine. So what? It's going to affect me even if I tell myself it won't.

First training in a long time. Legs sore, arms aching, but it was refreshing. Maybe you can't take away the fact that my forehand's still like a flimsy bat, and that my backhand's still leaning more than that thing in Italy. What's it called? Oh, some tower of pisa. But today I felt I was better, somewhat. The exertion was wayy cool!

*(non)confusing*

Sometimes there is a need for a note of caution that I'm the most selfish person, in case you're dealing with me and you don't want to get hurt at every turn and corner.
He doesn't dare to look in the mirror because he's afraid, or he knows, he will only see his failures staring back at his eyes.
He's not going to cry if nobody wants him.
Tell me that you're not worthless, that you're not a worse than ordinary person with nothing out of the ordinary, and I might believe you.

*(non)confusing*

MORRISON

I love the 3 lines I created awhile ago.

Walking down the streets of Liege
We were destined to run
You and I; a picturesque moment in line

2008-10-23T22:55:00.005+08:00

Maybe if things were, a little bit easier

If he can't see the hopes and fears in your eyes, who can? Look once, and answer if this is slipping away. Something like that isn't forged in a week, it doesn't have dead ends. Don't create one, when there are things beyond that are untouched. He knows, not want, to crawl out of the world he's into. To put it bluntly, would you be offended?

Having not played squash for a month, I realised how un-light the racquet could be. Not that mine isn't broken into pieces. First training tomorrow but I'm "committed to OIP training". (Not my words) Rebuffed kw approach for a movie and of course, no opportunity to familiarise myself with a proper drive all over again. At least I know the ball is the black one with two yellow dots, thank you very much.

Honestly, I have no idea what to expect. Considering the teachers i/c, anything could happen, right? You've drilled it straight into my mind though, step out of my comfort zone. Oh well, that probably guarantees the addition of many more embarrassing moments to my fair collection. Ah, and here comes the question again. Should I, or can I even, avoid? OIP is far, far more than... this.

I don't want to sound like anybody I know.

Okay I can talk about what I want now.
David Archuleta's new album (feels weird saying his full name, and I didn't even want him to win). -in stores when I'm away- CROSS
How about, 13 nov, watching Madagascar 2 in the afternoon before going nuts at Rihanna's concert? -oh yeah I'm away- CROSS

Moving on to detachment,
D and S to stick together
A private suite

Get the hell away and shut the up

2008-10-18T20:48:00.006+08:00

I could hardly begin to care.

Glad to have tortured you... Harsh, but business has resumed.

The days where I, yes I, could drink, water, at the train station. Or they probably never existed.

Disappeared, flown away, crawled past, (or simply) over. It's been tough paddling around the world for 10 months, but 've finally returned to where it all started. Places here and there that's left an impression, but we all know it's the journey that counts.

It might be october, but the festive season's hardly begun. Halloween, thanksgiving, christmas eve, christmas. Any costume you like, from dressing up as Britney's mother to the girl next door. Time to be grateful! (But for what i'm still trying to understand) And of course, the time when it all gets cold and snow starts to fall, while we hide under sweaters and jackets. Just that, it doesn't seem like it's going to happen this year, over here, right?

Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the following day after that. For all the apparent stress that the teachers have to endure everyday, maybe they can have a few laughs while marking. =.=" I hope I did very well. =.=" And after that? It's time to stop hoping. If, bio failed, it failed.

So, after Lit ended yesterday and the loud cheer, it was time to rush to popular to buy Brisingr before going home to change. Apparently, I forgot to bring a change of clothes, which was super frustrating. I was feeling really bored, and spammed kt with every thought that came to my mind. Which ultimately pissed him off, of course. =) But what really happened was that I saw this old man leisurely strolling across the road and almost getting knocked over. He didn't even care though, the car bee-eeped and slowed down for him but he continued strolling as though he was the only one living in this world. Way to go. Nice example you're setting for your juniors (ME), old one.

Painted Skin. Approached it with a very open mind and got very open results becaues of the very open audience. You see, true love existed way back, and even demons couldn't destroy true love. One's willing to die, human's willing to be demon and demon's willing to be human.

Ta-da.

He's sorry he hurt you and he wishes he could express himself.
You don't have to let go, please.

2008-10-03T21:53:00.007+08:00

One Step At A Time

Looking back. I know it's been retarded.

(Kay: You Are Welcome To Leave Unless... Your Exams Are Over?)

Man Of The Moment: Robbie Williams

I'm currently experiencing the temporary form of RBS, Robbie Williams Syndrome. It all started with "Angels" and escalated (pretty tremendously, i must say) from there. Now, I'm staying away from the issues, or debates regarding his sexuality, short period relationships, drugs, depression (self-loathing) and UFO sightings (plus not so impressive 2007 album?). Also, staying away from the fact that he's sold 100 million albums, and is the 3rd best-selling artiste in... history? Rather, I'm soaking up his brilliant live performances. Brilliant isn't enough to cover it actually. He sings, and performs, great.

Knebworth 2003. His 3 day concert, each day attracting... 125 000 people. That's crazy! It's tons more than any soccer match, and way past the 90 000 starry-eyed people at the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. The atmosphere... electrifying. It's that unbelievable. I wish I could go back to 5 years ago, to Knebworth, and get crushed by all the Brits. Even if I have to be 1km away from the stage? I don't know!

You see, everyone will disagree. "It's ridiculous!"

TOLD YOU! Angels is playing on radio right now! I told you, I told you, there's fate somewhere. I'm getting excited all over again. It's playing now, why?

(L) Soo. Whenever Soo, reads out !@ dedication, it's like... bubbly, excitement, and, lighter, even though, it's temporary, and just, nothing really matters anymore. Feels just like floating.

2008-09-30T23:13:00.002+08:00

"I could smash the glass cube in."

2008-09-29T20:25:00.004+08:00

More people that I didn't think would show up will actually show up. Scary.

One more day, DMP will over, I'm glad, I wish there wasn't assessment, yes, DMP is supposed to be fun, interesting, I'm bad enough, the end.

You can't have one David without the other. Right after "Crush", Cook has a new song. "Light on", all the funny debate going on at the YouTube video. But I'm still waiting for the album though. November!

F1! Everyone knows how the Brazilian drove off with the fuel hose still attached. *Evil chuckle* But I missed that piece of drama at the pit-stop. What I saw was Kimi! Kimi, who crashed near the end of the race. I remember Desiree mentioning "Red cars are involved in the most number of accidents. Be careful, Ferrari." Poor Ferrari. I think, (I think), F1 will be back in Singapore next year, because we have a 5 year contract. It's only a guess!

What else happened during the weekend? Fernando Torres. He scored 2 great goals, Liverpool won, and I'm happy on the surface. This needs to happen every weekend.

Brisingr is out! Since 10 days ago, and I can't wait to bring the book home, but I have to. I only remembered last thursday one step away from popular, and it was like lightning striking through me. =P I have flashes of imagination where I'm reading Brisingr on the flight to Shenzhen. Speaking about Shenzhen, I had been having a niggling, subconscious feeling for a long time that kailun would be going to the same place as me, and it really came true (I think). My instincts!

Gosh, there's even a party on the floating platform at Marina Bay. Looking from afar at the unknown world of 18 year olds and beyond.

That's all the slightly delightful things. I'm falling off the bridge, and after this, I'm going to try to grab hold and make sure my fingers don't slip. Is it always this dark?

Muttons make me laugh like a madman. And I know, or rather confirmed, that "Spell" is a really great song (it's on this blog after all =P) and agreeing with everyone!

Lifehouse
Here In Singapore
This Wednesday
At 5pm
On Shan & Ros
Performing A Full Set

*Faints*

2008-09-19T21:39:00.003+08:00

88th post!

Back to reality. Happy birthday Jun Wei! Although he won't see this, it's the thought that counts. =) More and more people are migrating over to the 15 year old territory, I'm staying contentedly here in the 14 year old territory.

The new number one song this week is either
Teenage Love Affair
The Best Damn Thing
Oh it's avril lavigne!

F1 is actually going to be here next week. Apparently the lights at Marina Bay are very very bright. Ahh it sounds very very cool, the scenery/atmosphere I mean. But I wonder if it will be exciting to watch all the beautiful cars zoom 61 times around the track. How can Lewis Hamilton see anything around him anyway? When he's squeezed into those tight gear and there seems to be hardly any space inside the car. Isn't it dizzy going around and around?

But after that (or before that), they have this extremely amazing party. Gosh.

I'm going to watch gossip girl. After all, I read abit of the books. Hmm? Coinciding with those days when I stood at popular for 2 hours every weekend reading Harry Potter.

Walking down the streets of Liege
We were destined to run
You and I; a picturesque moment in line

2008-09-17T20:23:00.003+08:00

The biggest hole I know is the one on me

Okay. Finally we're here! Let's talk about exams. That is if I don't think of anything else. Exams are in...? I'm not going to count the days, it's just soon. How? Study. So many things to remember, it never seems to end. I thought I studied this the other day, how come I forgot? I must read more, practise more. I need to expand my head. I need to write math equations on the bread I'm having for breakfast tomorrow. Scribble the entire biology syllabus on the inside of my shoe. Actually, why go to all this hassle? The exams are going to be okay. I shouldn't worry my head off. All this stress, it's simply self-inflicted. Hang on. What stress? Don't. Just don't. =) The exams are going to be tough.

2008-09-16T21:53:00.003+08:00

If you were to look at the sky, what would you see?
Blue? And white?
I didn't ask what colour you would see.
Clouds? And maybe the occasional plane?
What if everywhere you turned, all you could see was the sky?
I have no idea.
Stretch your imagination, there are no limitations.
I would simply lie down and close my eyes.
You think you are trapped?
Am I not?
You know what I would do?
No.
Not stop walking until I found another person.
But the sky is boundless, it extends forever.
You believe that the sky reaches further than my determination?
It's nothing to do with determination.
Then?
It's to do with the fact that you could walk for a lifetime.
Another person might be just around the corner.
You can't know that.
You can't know that too.
So what if you found another person?
Together, we could find another one.
There are so many people who see the sky everywhere they turn?
We don't know. There are too many possibilities.

It's my turn.
Go ahead.
What's the point?
The point of?
This conversation.
There's no one except us. To lie here and talk, is it not soothing?
Okay. Our existence then? Tell me something original.
You realise it wouldn't be original. Someone would definitely scoff at it.
It doesn't matter.
We exist to entertain.
Not everyone exists to entertain.
Yes, some do it on a bigger scale than others.
Entertain? We live just to make people laugh?
Yup. We exist to conquer our inferiority complex too.
Some people are immune to that.
Because it's not been exploited.
I think that's a horrible answer. Too shallow.
How about we exist to experiment?
We exist to experiment with our existence?
This experiment is special. One will never find the correct result.
Everything is a variable factor.
If it were a chemistry experiment, hydrochloric acid would be the problems we face.
Oxygen would be our family and friends.
What happens when one mixes hydrochloric acid and oxygen?
I have no idea.
That's the second time you said that.
Do you think this is a waste of time?
Anything we do could be a waste of time. Depends on one's perspective.
Well, I think we are disgusting geeks.
We must be, to have this conversation.

Let's move on to reality then.
Reality is very simple. Only one thing encompasses it.
What?
Pressure. It's so important that it's a physics topic.
It's unfortunate I can't roll my eyes.

What a waste of time.

2008-09-14T21:42:00.001+08:00

Reminded why I always wished for a true sister

Playlist: Marie Digby <3

2008-09-11T22:52:00.005+08:00

1. Krystal
2. Delwyn
3. Yee Shing
4. Kwun Tong
5. Douglas
6. Yee Shing
7. Wei Xuan
8. Jiexi
9. Soo
10. Jun Yang
11. Ysabel
12. Leona Lewis
13. Josiah
14. Kim Wee
15. Wei Xuan
16. Jim
17. Charles
18. Ysabel
19. Wan Jing
20. Kah Jin
21. Benn
22. Kwun Tong
23. Darren
24. Henzel
25. James
26. Hermione
27. Tabitha
28. Mush
29. Ginny
30. Gosh this was tough!

Anyone is welcome to ask me for the 30 questions

2008-09-11T21:26:00.002+08:00

Slacked.

Watched two to three episodes of heroes.

I actually felt contented while writing the NS Story last night. Huge thanks to my dad for helping me loads. The words flowed to me like water after that.

While thinking last year, I discovered what EOYs really stand for.
EOYs = Excellence Of Yee shing
It is a good omen for me, isn't it?
Instead of sugar rush, it will be a study rush.

Rihanna's concert coming here soon.

2008-09-10T17:06:00.002+08:00

It's hot outside and cold inside. Because of the air-con, of course!

Congratulations to the singapore paralympian =) She won a bronze medal in equestrian, our first medal in history. Although there's no coverage, well done! And well-deserved.

"If love's the answer, can you please rephrase your question?"

A motorcyclist entered a pub and ordered a beer. The patrons of the pub decided to play a prank by taking his motorbike away. When the motorcyclist discovered that his vehicle had disappeared, he stalked back into the pub and demanded, "The person who took my motorbike had better return it, if not I'll have to do what I did at another pub last week! And I don't want to repeat what I did last week!" It was a scary sight.

Sure enough, it was returned. Curious, the pub owner approached him. "What happened at the other pub last week?"

"Well, I had to walk home!"

2008-09-09T20:15:00.004+08:00

I'm going to be direct today. I try not to care about the negativities you think.

I'm pretty sure that some people have certain complaints or grouches about how I hardly post, and how pitiful the length (or content?) of my posts are. Actually, that's an assumption, with only a single source as the sole piece of evidence, but it doesn't matter in this context. Unfortunately, my estimation of a long post might be different from another's, but I'll try my best, surprisingly for once.

Right now, I've suffered from monday blues and tuesday blues. That's less than one-third of the blues I experience every week. There's still wednesday blues, thursday blues, friday blues, not forgetting the weekend blues. Plenty to look forward to, isn't it? Two days ago, I was standing in the bathroom after bathing, looking at the door and wondering to myself, "Am I ready to face the world behind this?" Frankly, I didn't know the answer! Isn't it amusing?

What happened today? Nothing much worth mentioning, except that I realised I failed physics. No not realised, confirmed is the right word, because I already knew this would happen. Failing feels very surreal to me, just like a butterfly that floats past my eyes. No emotion whatsoever, empty and hollow. Considering that I lied to my parents one week ago that I got 10/25 for this physics test, and to discover that I got 2 marks more? Oh, adding on, is it such a surprise for me to fail a test? Because pardon me, but I'm kind of irritated when people adopt this air of incredulity and disbelief when I say I did badly. After all, I'm an average human being (hopefully), and don't tell me people ask for my marks just to know how much I beat them by? Haha.

Oh and bio results yesterday?
Let me put it this way. 1+1=2 right? I basically got that wrong 12 times.

Assembly was meaningful, and I really hope people weren't pretending that it was meaningful. I can't remember his last name, but Jon, the "superman" American, demonstrated crazy feats of strength and shared his life story. He tore a phonebook into half, broke a rod with his teeth and snapped a baseball bat into half. Not forgetting rolling a frying pan into half. He's in the Guiness Book of World Records! In between, he talked about his horrible childhood. He was basically branded a failure since he was a child, teacher and father thought him worthless, kids chased, tripped and left him bleeding. What he essentially wanted to say was that he "never gave up", and neither should we.

He teared up, but because looking at a strong man, whose hand is larger than my face, cry isn't my favourite pastime, I stared at my shoes instead.

A teenager in America actually shot himself with a gun because he couldn't stand the teasing. So people, "never give up"! It is your right to have your own private space to brood and be emo, but as my mum always says =.= "there's always a limit." Don't go overboard, confide in friends, and most importantly, "never give up".

Fyi, I complain like a whale all the time, but I "never give up". Hopefully... but I'm overboard? Okay I get it.

Federer won US Open! I like Andy Murray as well, and the new rising young Japanese star, but I'm glad Federer won his first Grand Slam this year. England to lose to Croatia. They can go ahead and prove me wrong. I'm wondering if England's... shortcomings are to be always pinned on the manager, maybe there's a deep-rooted problem. Liverpool to beat Man U please! No Gerrard, No Torres, and Man U has Berbatov + Rooney. Liverpool still to beat Man U. Relegation favourties - Man City. Robinho play in the Championship for all I care!

Let me indulge my sorrows in mooncakes!

I heard yesterday that
Carrie Underwood
called
Jessica Simpson
a fat ass.
!!! O.O

2008-09-07T15:32:00.002+08:00

Skyway Avenue - We The Kings

2008-09-05T22:32:00.005+08:00

Knackered. I could really fall asleep right now, and even as I close my eyes, I can feel my furrowed brows and tightness of my face. Maybe there will be a few surprises tomorrow, hopefully, and it doesn't matter if the surprises are bad, as long as something happens.

WASTED WASTED WASTED

4 new songs for me to enjoy:
Money Honey - State of Shock
Supergirl - Saving Jane
Lucky - Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Cailat
T-shirt - Shontelle

Btw! I totally can't figure out if the muttons have been interviewing avril lavigne LIVE or it's just a recorded interview. Can't tell! And her concert, I'm going to apparate there. *Fierce glare*

Haha it's really interesting how I always forget about yesterday and always think of "Tomorrow", "Tomorrow how?", "Tomorrow" with a heavy heart. Is it an exaggerated crime to say that this week = torture?

But hey! I know that sometimes, talking to my really (1) really (2) good friends will make me feel light-hearted. =)

And speaking about adding one more song, I LOVE The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script

2008-09-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

I'm really not supposed to be here right now. But I don't know how to work my way around this big great boulder stacked in front of me, or find my way out of this tunnel I'm in. Dirty water splashing against my shoes, mouldy walls, vomit-inducing echoes of dripping drops.

It's really a day at a time. I think I've mastered occlumency, it's that circle of wall pressing against my mind. Comforting and painful at the same time.

Is this really supposed to happen? I'll never see my desk empty for the rest of my life.

Crossing into a friday. Weekend. Rarely do I want to distance myself from the weekend.

At the age of 83, Anne was distraught at turning into a widow. Deciding to join her husband in death, she called her doctor to ask where her heart was.
"It's right below your left breast."
Hearing this, she took her husband's revolver, placed it at the right spot ("I'll be with you soon") and fired.
Half an hour later, she was admitted into hospital for a gunshot wound, to the... left knee.

2008-09-03T19:40:00.003+08:00

My cousin's wedding this saturday! She's here right now, with her mother which is my aunt. Ahh but I'm not close to them, one of the many regrets that I will file away in my life. Oh they're leaving... and I'm going to collect my new specs which cost $670.

Today was training, and this rgs sec 4 squasher (i think) called mabel was there. She and coach played doubles against all the sec 3s, dominic and I came the closest to winning. Ahh! I took the backcourt and played against her, we were roughly on par... (hopefully!), though all round she'll definitely be pretty much better than me.

After that, kiawei and I went shopping at J8 for gifts and prizes to give the sec 4s during farewell party. We bought different animal notebooks, a different animal to represent each of them, a waterbottle each for captain and vice-captain. Oh, not forgetting the time we spent standing outside coffee bean waiting for valen to notice kiawei. =P

Whatever. Bye. I'm feeling angry. It never goes around but comes around.

He's damn bloody tired. Quickly go sleep. TB will stay up until 3 taking care of everything, doing nothing and worrying about everything. Hmm then TB will have weird dreams/nightmares, wake up looking like a zombie, but hey it's okay coz TB looks like that all the time. Let's see, what else does TB need? Yes, TB needs more pain. So, hope that TB's legs continue aching and persuade the rest of TB's body to ache more.

That's just the least of TB's worries.

TB managed to change. Why doesn't TB take one step further to be a cruel and vindictive scoundrel?

HAHA

Who will cry when TB's gone?

2008-08-30T12:20:00.002+08:00

Hello people! New blogskin, which I can say I'm pretty satisfied with. US Top 20 went missing at 11 this morning, and I'm wondering why. But otherwise the music is really good. Such as This Is Me which is playing now.

Term 3 is over, yay but it didn't end very well. Guess I have a tendency of ending terms on a bad note. Anyway, as each day passes, I just want to forget about it.

Exams and DMP fast approaching, but before that it's "holidays" first. Weds, Thurs, Fri training and squash soccer tournament/sec 4 farewell on friday evening. Hopefully, the soccer will be fun. And for dinner it'll be pizza or buffet i think! What Jack said about DMP makes sense. I want more free periods but since I already have to go to school on that day, free periods in school won't make much of a difference.

Random thought:
The spell or technique I would really want to learn if I were a wizard would be occlumency. Or rather, maybe I would develop occlumency further to block my mind from my own mind. I won't have to struggle not to think about things I don't want to think about.

2008-07-29T20:31:00.002+08:00

George goes to secondary school in the day to study and works at night by counting taxis, to earn money and save for the future.

Mariah Carey - Bye Bye

2008-07-28T20:41:00.003+08:00

The muttons are at the national stadium watching singapore vs brazil.

Unfair. Unfair!

I got thrashed 15-4 by kia wei, then I thrashed him back 15-5 during training today. Something is wrong with us. Looking back, I think both of us should be proud of ourselves. Remembering the days back at the start of sec 2, when we were lowly 6th and 7th seeds in the c div team. Now, we've trained hard, and are virtually... 2nd and 3rd seeds? Not to say we're not going to train even harder.

Demi Lovato

I wish to turn the clock back to June 1. At the Singapore Indoor Stadium. Screaming over the Click 5 performing. Getting high and even higher, being so wild until taking drugs wouldn't even compare. And this time I'm not going to care if people stare at me funny, I'm going to fling my arms in their faces instead.

Robbie Keane to Liverpool. If he's a flop, I will turn purple and blue.

Current song - Thunder by Boys Like Girls

The story of Tom

Tom was an ordinary character, just like you and me. He went to school, attended CCA, did homework and slept. He used the computer often and listened to music. If anyone was to be asked about their opinions regarding Tom, they would say,"Well, Tom's just... Tom." Or "He's attentive and hardworking." "Tom? Who's Tom? Harry I know, but not this Tom guy."

Tom was a single child. His life was practically a routine, and he went about striving to perfect the routine every day. If you were to pass him along the pavement or walkway, you might continue to walk on without noticing him. He had less than ordinary features, his eyes neither a sparkling green or a deep chocolate brown.

Tom had friends, some closer than the others, but there was not a single friend who he could pour his entire heart out to. The closer friends, Tom did share a few of his fears, dreams and ambitions. However, there was a good portion bottled up inside him.

People were kind to Tom. On the surface, it seemed like no one hated Tom. People either didn't know him, were his aquaintances, knew about him, knew pretty much about him, or were his friends. However, Tom wasn't stupid enough to believe that there wouldn't be people who truly disliked him, and rattled off disgusting descriptions of him when he wasn't around. Somehow, most people weren't outright hateful towards him, and sometimes he wondered why. It couldn't be that he commanded a silent form of respect from the people around him, that was utter bullshit!

In essence, Tom was a normal kid.

On a particular day, Tom had a dream. He dreamt that he had an imaginary friend called Kota, who was 16, had no siblings, and parents who she loved dearly. Tom dreamt that he was close friends with Kota and her family, they had gatherings and exchanged presents during Christmas. All of a sudden, during one gathering, they were accosted by a murderer. There was no suitable description for this murderer, he was evil and killed for sport. Just as the murderer was about to shoot Kota's father, Tom sprung into action. He moved so fast that no one had time to gape in surprise. Even Tom didn't know what he was doing. All he understood was that he had dealt a roundhouse kick to the murderer's head, before black overwhelmed him and he could feel or see no more.

2008-07-25T23:02:00.002+08:00

Drama Feste! My first time watching Drama Feste. Last year ms chia kindly brought us to a morrison rehearsal during English lesson and we watched the play. But this year is pretty different. Pretty different. With madapple sitting beside me in class, eyes closed and going through full runs every waking moment, it was always going to be pretty different. And for all the effort he put in, he did really well. Madapple is growing up, I'm so proud!

It was entertaining. Cannot forget the MCs de. They were hilarious. I have one sentence to describe Moor's play. Three characters started the play and zero remained at the end. None survived. Morrison. I am a sucker for music and dancing. So I looked forward to the parts when the intro of songs were played and when there was dancing. Ta-da! The script was... relative. And of course, the witch. Witch witch witch!

Bayley was such a comedy. It can't be described, only watched. Into the middle of the play, everyone was expecting to laugh after every line. Crazy humour, and more. And the actors are really actors, I can't imagine them as RI students.

Singfest! Yes singfest. I can't go, though I haven't asked, but I am sure I will be nowhere near Fort Canning Park. That's why next year's singfest must totally rule this year's singfest. Brazil vs S'pore selection! To lessen worries, it's just a warm-up, yeah, to prepare for Olympics. Just a warm-up. Right? MTV Asia Awards! Genting Highlands. Leona Lewis. Once in a lifetime experience. Sigh. Bleeding Love.

I am relieved chem practical went well. Practicals are not my thing. But! Fortunately, the titration was okay. And I think my results were accurate. Unexpectedd. There's still physics, and bio, practicals. Rahhh.

Let's see, I'm banned from charging my handphone beside my bed when I'm sleeping. That's freakishly annoying can! My mum is obsessed with health tips from newspapers, the radio and the tv, going to great lengths to implement them. Annoying! I know I cannot feel annoyed, yeah, it's wrongg, okay okay. That was redarndant, moving on to main points.

The Dark Knight was quite awesome. I am glad glad glad I managed to watch it. One of the only movies in a long time with a clear clear message and purpose to deliver to the audience. I actually thought the movie was going to end at two points during the movie, but the story kept flowing along. That was how unpredictable, in a very good way, the dark knight is. Yay, one of my favourite movies right now.

No weird connotations today. Cheer.

Ana Ivanovic for Olympic Champion. Olympic Champion - Ana Ivanovic.

2008-06-25T21:45:00.003+08:00

The internet just went against me. Join the team.

Oh my. Splitting headache... ivanovic is two games away, two games, from losing to dechy. dechy, not sharapova or jankovic. dechy, do I even know who she is? And it's only the second round. second round. Pretty amazing, my jinx or my curse has travelled halfway around the world to Wimbledon at London and spread to ivanovic. I'm sorry, ana, i shouldn't have watched ur match. For all you know, I stifled your brilliant number 1 abilities and credentials. =(

Oh yeah, listening to radio, novak djokovic is down two sets to safin. Apparently my jinx has spread to all serbs. Gasp. And novak and ana are friends, so...

Bigger headache.

Heading to bed, because I want to wake up to watch the germany turkey semi-final later in the morning. Seems like my parents won't allow. But I want to watch. Yeah I want to. It'll be funny to see which team I manage to curse. Poor turkey, they virtually have not enough players for the game, if my jinx spreads to them, I don't know what will happen.

Still hobbling.

Today was worse than yesterday. Overshot from my house to paya lebar. Okay, I don't even need to sigh.

2008-06-24T23:15:00.003+08:00

Been falling asleep and being really sleepy during lessons. Doesn't help that it has been a DITD start to this term. I think of the holidays, and I feel that sleeping at about 11pm is boring, and staying up until 5+am before going to sleep is horrifyingly lonely. Not much I can do, can I?

To madapple, emo rants are difficult. I want them to perfectly show my emotions but there's a thick brick wall over there. And it's virtually impossible for me to contribute when I'm not able to do so. I've failed at my goal or goals for this year, but hey, it's okay. I've learnt not to expect much. There's the tendency for hope to rise, but I'm learning to control it.

Let everything go and study and train without a mind.

Frequently, I tell myself, okay let's pretend my life up to this point never happened, my past is totally invisible, erase it all, and tomorrow, will emerge a totally new and different me, a brilliant me.

And it's all an illusion. As everything is.

Oh wait did I mention? I'm limping and hobbling. But it doesn't matter. Really.

2008-06-21T16:48:00.002+08:00

I promise. I will just withdraw into my shell.

2008-06-01T23:52:00.003+08:00

Today, probably the best day of my life. 1 June 2008. Have I been waiting for this day all along? You might think I'm shallow, but my heart has never felt so strongly complete before.

The Click Five

Were

++Phenomenal

If The Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian was fantastic, The Click Five concert was absolutely awesome.

One hell of a show.

I didn't and I don't want it to end. Who would? After all, they didn't sing Mary Jane and Time Machine. But Flipside, Happy Birthday, Empty and Just The Girl were great. Catch Your Wave and Jenny were damn fun! Screaming like a banshee, jumping like a spring, dancing like a retard and singing the head off. The energy was just flowing.

Believe me, the concert was worth every single cent.

The atmosphere, the crowd was brilliant. Discounting the four idiots standing next to us. They didn't really do anything. Well that's the problem. Standing straight and emotionless. Turning their heads when we screamed with that condescending look in their eyes. Come on you idiots! Are you deaf we are all rocking out at a bloody good concert! Do us a favour and go home!

Well, it's wrong of me to bash because the concert was amazing! Does kyle patrick have charisma! Ben on the keyboard! Joey with the drums! Ethan the bassist! Everyone seemed to love him. Joe the guitarist! It was all just so cool. The adrenaline was pumping. The light effects were great.

Headlight disco was fun fun fun. Everyone was jumping and moving along to the groove. The screams never stopped.

I have a question though. Kyle said that "Singapore is, undoubtedly, our home in South East Asia." What will it take, kyle, for singapore to become your home in Asia? Haha.

KT, WX and I were there an hour early! And 15 mins before the concert, I saw Soo. Haha she's pretty. Did I say, I called through to Soo on saturday morning at 2.20am. For the first time ever! Sadly, our "conversation", if you would call it that, barely lasted 5 seconds. =( I don't care, I'm going to try again tomorrow! And talk about the absolutely phenomenal click five concert.

Not forgetting, the movie Prince Caspian. In my opinion, it was a great great movie. The scenes were unbelievable, especially the fighting scenes. I like Lucy and Edmund. Lucy is cute, and she's a believer, determined. As for Edmund, he's completely transformed into this mature person and like an unsung hero.

Regrettably, The Click Five overshadowed Prince Caspian.
It was simply a blast.

They will be on muttons tomorrow night! The Click Five, that is. 8pm, 98.7fm.

I guess I will know when true love strikes me. If I feel as complete as I did today.

2008-05-25T23:06:00.001+08:00

and i still

haven't found

what i'm looking for (high note)

2008-05-21T20:00:00.003+08:00

I hate the feeling of being sick. Understatement of the century.

It's the headache and my stomach churning badly. Horrible taste in my mouth. I personally believe I'm taking in too much liquids and not enough solids. *Shudder*

When you consider missing two days of school, it's missing out on important stuff. Especially maths, taking into mind she's rushing linear law all in a week, and i wasn't there for two-thirds of the topic. The fact is, school is not so appealing, but important. I can't not go tomorrow and friday, there's the physics practical test and philo test.

Two more days till holidays. But it doesn't seem as exciting because I don't feel well. Bleargh.

Enough whining. Well, not quite enough yet. Not going to let you off so easily, am i? *ill smirk* I went to sleep on Monday night at 11.30, which i seriously shouldn't have, because I woke the next morning feeling worse. But still, I decided to take the trip to school. And when I reached, I felt crappier than before. My dad had to fetch me home again, and he was late for work. Man do I feel guilty. =( I wasn't sure if I had made the right decision to skip school, but at 9 after the doctor's, I guess I made the right choice. It's the feeling where you're no different from a walking zombie. Slept the day away.

Did I mention! I did not have a great sleep on Monday night because I dreamt that I was Harry Potter and I had to fight Death Eaters. Haha! (humourless laugh) Mostly, I can only remember the fear and terror. It was unbelievably real, the emotions I mean. That's why I kept waking up to realise I'm not the Chosen One or The Boy Who Lived, but... yup, just me, the Very Normal One. And I had the dream because I spent Vesak Day reading an extremely angsty hp fic (while doing lit essay).

Yay to Leona Lewis!

I don't know if I should have gone to school today.

Moving on. To the American Idol Finale. DA vs DC. David vs David. Cook vs Archuleta! I can't believe it though, Simon said Archuleta won all three rounds! Simon said Archuleta delivered a knockout, a knockout! on his last song, Imagine. Which everyone heard him sing beautifully during the semi-finals. So, looks like Archuleta's going to win. Well, I think he did sing better, but Cook is talented.

Will Chelsea do a knockout?

2008-05-18T21:46:00.003+08:00

I'm down with a running nose and cough which probably resulted from the sore throat I had since thursday. The flu. Only down to two reasons. Either the horrible weather. Or it was passed to me... and i can guess the source. Anyway having a running nose is one of the most irritating things ever. Can imagine why! without going into details.

As usual, or rather, as it always happens, I'm supposed to be doing my work but instead spent the whole night watching videos. I think it started with the prince caspian trailer, which i really die die must watch, where I hopped to wikipedia to find out the story of prince caspian. Well, I read the story before, but forgot! so reading wiki helped the plot came back to me. Wickedly exciting. Hang on, before prince caspian was britain's got talent videos. Yeah. I'm not going to ramble on about BGT 2008, because it'll never end, but just so you know, it's amazing. Finally, i was desperate for something to watch, ill-disciplined and irresponsible me couldn't bother about my work, and somehow I came across this guy called... Terry Fator. AGT 2007 winner. From one to another. I spent... don't know how long, watching all the acts of this great ventroliquist, singer, impressionist and comedian. Multi-talented.

After the adventures of video-watching, my work was taking it to another level and haunting me. So I took out this worksheet about Linear Law, stared at it for less than a minute, before I had the sudden urge of blogging.

And guess what? It's 10:01 now.

Today. Woke up at 11am. Had lunch at toa payoh where I saw rachel. It's a really small world. The rest of the afternoon was spent at Safra, lounging around, bowling. Every nice ball i rolled, there was always this one pin that had something against me and just would NOT fall. Bowling done, played squash. More frustrations. I think I spent half an hour dropping.

Tomorrow is a holiday. Thank goodness. I just pray so hard for one thing tomorrow. That I will be GUAI and follow the schedule I plan for myself and finish finish what I'm supposed to do. Please Please. Sorry about the ugly white scrollbar. I tried for an hour to change the colour yesterday but failed. Feel noobed.

It's interesting how the champions league final and american idol finale happens on the same day. Last year I was away at Malaysia Montage and missed both finals. But shhh, I went against the rules and woke up at 3am at the hotel to watch liverpool... oh yeah I watched them lose! Gahh. And jordin sparks won. Shoe-in. This year, I hope DAVID COOK and MANCHESTER UNITED wins. But if fate has his way, david archuleta and chelsea will win. Because I'm a jinx.

2008-05-17T16:34:00.006+08:00

Maybe it was when you started to realise you were never going to achieve anything.
Maybe it was when you found out that you had no talent at all.
Maybe it was when you felt like a nobody, existing among the shadows of others.
Maybe it was when you wanted to make it big but you were just too small.
Maybe it was when you broke your promises.
Maybe it was when you never did anything according to plan.
Maybe it was when you thought you were above all and everyone else was above you.
Maybe it was when you dreamed of things that would never come true.
Maybe it was when you desired the attention of others.
Maybe it was when you discovered your past was beyond immature and wonder if your present is anything different.
Maybe it was when you were always a bystander at the most cruical moments.
Maybe it was when you never changed for the better.
Maybe it was when you pretended to be sensitive but it never failed to appear otherwise.
Maybe it was when you wondered if you were fake and nothing about you was ever true.
Maybe it was when you were so insecure and thought so lowly of yourself that people were disgusted.
Maybe it was when you wondered if you were pretending to think of yourself as scum, to be likable, to gain sympathy, to buy feelings, you didn't know.
Maybe it was when you were the epitomy of a coward and watched while they fought.
Maybe it was when you betrayed yourself and never did the things you promised yourself.
Maybe it was when you betrayed others.
Maybe it was when you pretended to be noble and dreamed of the right thing you should have done, what you should have done to show off, show off your "courage" but the problem was that you dreamed and only dreamed.
Maybe it was when you craved for heart-wrenching songs but nothing was emotional enough for you.
Maybe it was when you should have been stubborn and followed U home, so U might not be angry anymore.
Maybe it was when you doubted.
Maybe it was when you were rude and vulgar.
Maybe it was when you only wanted to secure yourself a nice future.

Maybe, to put it simply, you were exactly like you are now.

That's You.

2008-05-16T22:58:00.005+08:00

16 May! Yesterday was exactly 7 months before my birthday. I know it's still ages away (7 months, imagine that!) but it sort of represents a milestone. There's only one way, which is to keep waiting.

The choir concert was good and I especially loved the final song, Beauty and the Beast. Well, technically it was the last song, but because of wild calls for an encore performance, it became the song before the last. =P It was always going to be an interesting evening, with two groups of people on my left and right shouting their hearts out. Haha. We were late! for the start of the concert and after intermission. Now the only place that I know the best there is the auditorium.

The past month - plays. Shakespeare 24. Chinese Drama. Hypochondriac. All of them have been extremely worthwhile going to watch, especially with the amount of laughter. Comic relief. During shakespeare 24, we had hilarious shakespeare performances. During Chinese Drama, we had a hilarious mother dressed in an apron. Not forgetting valuable life lessons and a not-so-ordinary relationship. During Hypochondriac, we had a hilarious everything.

Parvati Shallow - winner of Survivor-Micronesia

On the morning of Labour Day, I anticipated myself to enjoy 90 mintues of great soccer where Liverpool would win like champions. But I found myself having to endure 120 minutes of delight, despair and agony silently in the darkness.

T is the most irritating, idiotic and rubbished person ever met. T is emotionally hypocritical, which makes me think if T's feelings are fake. T must be spending every minute of T's life lounging like a foolish arse.

I am armed with 3 Click Five tickets. Muahahaha! So excited. Looking forward and cannot wait for the concert. A blast.

Thinking of it all sometimes

2008-04-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

This is a video of mariah's new future single called Bye Bye. It's a great song and i especially love the beginning. You will if you hear it for the first time. And the lyrics are really meaningful to me, listen carefully to the lyrics and you will understand why.

I'm looking forward to PE tomorrow. At least it's an hour of relaxation.

Oh i almost forgot but i have to talk about this. During my grandma's funeral two weeks ago, my uncle received a missed call from my grandma's handphone and another blank sms the next day while we were doing rituals. No one touched her handpone though, we left it lying on the table.

Last monday, my uncle received another blank sms from my grandma's handphone. My mum also received a blank sms from my grandma's handphone and my other uncle received a call. He picked up and despite saying hello, nobody answered on the other line. After tracing back to my grandma's handphone, it was discovered that the two blank smses and the call was made on sunday. And received the next day.

No one touched her handphone at all, it was lying on the table at my uncle's house. Maybe once or twice it could have been a coincidence, but 5 times? I guess her soul is still here.

A-Ma
An xiang orh!

2008-04-05T00:31:00.002+08:00

I actually typed my NRIC number as my username while trying to sign into blogger. Tired. Another week is over. Flag day in the afternoon tomorrow. Scour for hot spots to collect money money.

Today, somehow, there was much talk on how worthwhile our four years of life in RI will be. Someone is in the CEC council at the top level, someone has half-colour awards, someone has many performances. And I have? The future? PSL and doing well in CCA. What if I get nothing out of this at all?

Events coming up:
ORA
CCT
B Div Squash Final

Squash. When it's our turn next year, we have to win our way into the final as well.

2008-03-27T18:59:00.006+08:00

E-learning is crazy and the horrible teachers just enjoy handing out alot of work to us. Fancy us logging into our asknlearn account and click under "school lessons", then boom! S3 physics e-learning, S3 english e-learning, S3 chemistry e-learning blah blah blah. That's just the start. Click on "Instructions for e-learning" and we find out that the horrible teachers want us to "Please do this" and "Please do that" and "Please do everything". Of course they don't say "please"... (it's just me helping them to sound polite) Some try to sound polite like saying "Have fun!" but it's just plain sarcasm right? Have fun doing all the work? I dunno...

Having said that, after all the frustrations and complaining above, there's a good side to this. (Yes there is) I can wake up late every day, which is always a nice thing to do. But that's because I stay up late the night before. Listen to muttons longer because there isn't a need to go to bed so early.

And e-learning came at a good time because I needed it after what happened. If not I wouldn't have been able to catch up with my work and stuff.

Plus. Staying at home is starting to seem like a much much better idea than going to school. I don't know how to describe school and lessons, it's like no feeling at all. Going through the day numb and robotic-like. Because every day in school is just so so predictable and so so routine. Until I already know how lessons pass. The first 10-15 mins of the lesson will pass slowly, and i'll feel "sigh sigh sigh", hoping that the lesson will end (of course), then after that the next 45 mins will just zooooom past like nobody's business.

I guess my outlook on stuff has changed much after the past week. I don't think i'll forget this past week for a long time. It feels like a month has gone over the past week. Today is thursday, which means this morning, one week ago, 8.05am... okay, better stop.

At least there's squash tomorrow. I've been wanting to play squash, either thrash somebody or get thrashed would go a long way. Maybe i'll be evil to the sec 1s tomorrow and scold them! It'll be quite funny. Don't worry, my standard at being evil is kinda low. I'll probably end up looking emo-momo-bomo. Right?

Starting to get frustrated at the lack of songs. SONGS please SONGS. Click Five coming to town (again! but this time it's a full-blown concert) on June 1st for indoor stadium concert. Our chance to get tickets. Get tickets and not miss any more concerts.

ANY TAKERS?

2008-03-24T22:31:00.002+08:00

This is crazy. I can't concentrate on my work because my cousins, uncles and aunts' faces keep popping up in front of my eyes. I think I'm going crazy.

Okay. No. It's time to focus. Bleeding Love is playing on radio. Thank goodness for leona.

So liverpool lost badly to man utd. Just had to heap on the misery. It's okay. Man utd shall pay. In a very bad way. I like being evil to man utd.

2008-03-24T21:34:00.006+08:00

The following post below might ruin your day (or not) and if you're seriously unhappy with people like me who are excessively emo (guess you really don't understand), please return to the web page before this. To save you from whatever negative feelings.

My heart is aching but I don't know why.

Today was quite possibly the most emotionally draining day till date. Everyone was crying when we saw grandma's face for the last time and they closed the coffin. I can't forget the tear-streaked expressions. It's funny how you forget things you want to remember, but you remember things you want to forget. That was in the morning. I couldn't control my tears, if that's what you mean. All of us had to turn around as they sealed the coffin. We walked on the road for about 15 mins to the bus stop, solemn and all.

It was a bus ride to the Mandai crematorium then. I guess I was really hoping we wouldn't reach the place and forever be on the bus, but maybe I wasn't thinking about that. Arriving at the crematorium, last round of rites/rituals. Proceeded to the service hall to wait and watch the coffin below us descend slowly behind closed doors. That. That was horrible. That was a horrible ten minutes. It was like a sense of finality. However hard I tried to control, I would never have been able to stop those tears from falling. It was much worse, heart-wrenching for my aunts and uncles. I was nothing compared to them.

I kept hoping extremely hard that the door would not close. If it closed, it would mean she had left, the coffin had gone. But the doors closed. I could never dictate what happened.

After that, i think everything kinda felt better. It probably represented some sort of closure.

I don't know if i should have posted this. It's sickeningly emo. But perhaps it's important? Like my dad said, I can't believe my grandma passed away. It was just around a week ago when I saw her, healthy and all. It's crazy how things can change in so little time. In so little time.

It's funny to think that although s'pore is so small, but two completely different things can happen at the same time on the same day. This morning was tracknfield and it seemed like everyone at bishan stadium had truckloads of fun. All smiles. But a small small distance away, where I was this morning, the mood was totally the opposite.

The last 5-6 days have been crazy, stressful, emotionally wrought. Not for me, but my aunts and uncles. I really hope for a new beginning. As the wise WJ said, time can heal all wounds. But that sentence applies more to my aunts and uncles. There's too little time now.

I want to play FIFA 2008 but I won't. I'm going to do my work. Tomorrow is hockey final and it's compulsory. I don't think i'm able to go for it. I don't think i'll be able to cheer 200% all out and it kinda feels like i'll be letting the school down. I know i'm ridiculous.

Please come online or show some sign. I can't believe i'm waiting.

2008-03-23T08:43:00.002+08:00

Going for tuition soon. Kinda tired. Can't believe the amount of work we have for every single subject. The teachers probably expect us to work for 24 hours and not sleep at all. Just because we have 3 days of holidays doesn't mean we should be forced to spend every single minute sitting down trying to finish the work. Maybe if I can't complete then never mind. Just tell whoever "Sorry. I'm afraid it wasn't within my capabilities to finish this crazy load of homework." Listen to kt spout all the expletives regarding the teachers.

Can't watch the man utd vs liverpool match tonight. Liverpool is going to win anyway. That's how much confidence I have in them.

Rituals tonight will be longer. My K2 "cousin" is really talkative but smart. I taught him how to spell "station". Talked to my other cousin as she, him, me sat around burning the pieces of paper (Gold and silver money).

What's the date today? 23 March right? It would be nice for a new month to arrive. Gotta go bathe soon. And have breakfast.

2008-03-20T20:51:00.002+08:00

Yesterday it was at the hospital, today it was at the funeral wake. I spent the whole afternoon going through the same torturous thing I went through 2 years ago. Maybe I'm not allowed to suffer that much, but I can't stand to see my aunt and uncles crying.

She left at 8.05 this morning. I don't get it. How is it possible for things to change so fast within a day? It sucks. It sucks big time. Tuesday night she was alive and well, thursday morning she just... left. It's a cruel joke. She just celebrated her 80th birthday during chinese new year, everything was fine, happy. I don't believe it.

I'll miss track n field. Out of three years, I've only attended once. But that's far from important right now.

My grandparents have all left. For a better world perhaps.

2008-03-19T23:48:00.004+08:00

This Blow Came Totally Unexpected.

As I sit here typing this post, my grandmother is battling for her life at the intensive care unit of the hospital. This isn't another effing crap story that I decided to write for ERP, not like two posts ago where it was about an imaginary sister I had. Spending two hours at the hospital tonight, the pacing, the red eyes shining with tears, enduring through the silence, looking at my grandma attached to so many machines, clinging on for support. Staring forever at the machine, hoping that after staring hard enough at it, the oxygen count would rise and not fluctuate at the effing 40-50 region. Everyone was there. And then complications had to arise. She came and tried to be a b!tch.

I hate this. I hate what this freaking world throws at us. Less than 24 hours ago, she was absolutely fine. She was smiling. Why? Why? Why did her heart stop beating suddenly? She's on her third and last dose of maximum medication and treatment now. Apparently now it's up to her to fight. Technology is so advanced now, technology is so advanced now, bullshit. It still can't help my grandma. I know i'm unfair, but why should I care? The effing doctor almost giving up, "let her leave naturally" or whatever.

Going into the room twice to look at her, I didn't know what to say. Ever know the feelings of uselessness and helplessness? I could just look at her, praying so hard that she would just get well, holding her hand lightly. Come on grandma. Don't leave. Not now. Not now. Live to see tomorrow.

My hands smell of disinfectant and I despise myself for being so negative. Absolutely despise myself. The muttons can't make me laugh now. Tomorrow is community day. Pathlight. I can't help but go there with an empty heart. I hate being fake. I desperately wish not to hear any bad news tomorrow. Please.

Now it's thursday. Eve of good friday. Sense of deja-vu. My mum said 2008 was thought to be possibly a horrible year, every part of what horrible means is proven right now.

Don't wanna control my tears like just now.

2008-03-11T17:23:00.003+08:00

Today has to be defined as an interestingly boring day. *Yawns*

Went to school early in the morning for squash. (still training sec 1s) Somehow i felt really lame, crappy, naughty or whatever you call it, and i decided to go into the court, plug my ears with music and play/train/do my drives. One hand carry ipod one hand holding racquet. Actually, i'm not supposed to do that? (But i did =O) Because during training, you have to serious and not fool around embarrassingly like i did this morning. And the string gets in the way. Nevertheless! i did that for 20 minutes when suddenly she (teacher-in-charge aka you-should-know-who!) randomly appeared out of nowhere. I noticed straightaway and in my mind i went "Shitte!". I quickly rushed out, removed the earpiece/earphone and stuffed the ipod somewhere. And at that instant i thought she didn't realise what i did?

But she just had to give that trademark sarcastic remark. "Wah you so pro arh can listen to music and play squash. So pro eh!" I went "Shitte!" a few more times in my mind again. =D Ahh it was all in the name of fun! But lesson learnt - next time shan't do it LIAO.

Sheesh. Then she didn't believe that the sec 1s have been using the school courts since january but it's true what! At least i managed to not look stupid and get my point across. =P

Training was okay. I think the sec 1s have improved and are not bad, except for a select few. It can be frustrating though, especially when some still can't get it. Then it gives me the "argh!" feeling, the atmosphere in the court becomes bleargh/sian and sucks the energy out of me. Basically repeat the same pointers quite alot of times.

After training, i got abandoned (yeah wo bei pao qi), the weather, the rain was horrible, felt wet, sticky, took bus, crossed the overhead bridge to J8, found wx at macdonalds playing PSP. Haha. I asked him if the guitar camp was boring, because the general feeling around the table was very bleargh/sian, and he said it was okay lah but crappy! (Seemed boring though =O)

Had an uncomfortable macdonalds lunch. The oil dripping and flowing down my hand absolutely spooked me out. But i ate it all and i feel guilty. Took an uncomfortable trip home, spent 30 minutes at the gym, sweated it out, stupid lunch sucked the stamina out of me. Went home, bathed, realised to my horror that when i raised my left arm, it ached badly and become totally numb. Slacked three hours in front of the computer until now. Argh No Crap Shitte! I feel guilty again. Gotta work harder. Quality of yesterday's work seemed low.

T-H-I-S I-S H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E !H-A-H!

Oh btw, mrs goh wants us to send over the text asap when we haven't even started. O.O Gosh wx! kt! kl! read this.

2008-03-10T23:31:00.004+08:00

Sometimes we laugh not out of good cheer, but to avoid or absolve ourselves of a deeper pain

“He seems to have fallen asleep. The past month has been especially gruelling on him.”

“He must be exhausted after suffering the brunt of it. The situation appears to be discouraging. Do you think she will ever wake up?”

“It pains me to say this but I doubt so. There might still be a chance though.”

They had no idea that I was eavesdropping on their conversation. If they had observed carefully, I was lying at an awkward angle that was almost impossible for me to sleep in. With my eyes closed, my heart burned in anger at their lack of faith in my sister’s willpower to survive. However, it had been a month without improvement, and my previous feelings of resentment wilted into despair. To avoid talking to them, I continued to pretend to be sleeping.

“It’s unbelievable. She’s still so young with such incredible potential and years of impressive achievements ahead of her. She’s his only family left and he loved her so. Now she’s gone, it’s a devastating blow –”

Now she’s gone. There was a pause and a tense, nervous silence reigned around the room. I knew they had realised their inadvertent mistake, speaking of her as if she was already dead. It was difficult for me not to feel bitter and grief-stricken at the same time. It seemed as though nothing could cut through this thin ice when...

“Hey, do you remember the ridiculous incidents she got herself into when she was young, the silly things she did, even when she was old enough to stop being so childish?”

Some of the anguish I felt before receded a little as I recalled how endearing my sister could be at times. I could imagine their smiles too as they chuckled in amusement. However, it felt like the pseudo laughter only served as an impetus to move on from the tense atmosphere before. There was no genuine reason for any form of happiness.

“Did you know that after she received her outstanding A-Level results, she was actually thrilled to the extent of hugging every person on sight? When she realised her actions, her face turned red as a tomato.”

I heard their laughter and a small bout of laughter rose within me as memories of that incident returned to us. The pain of seeing my sister on the hospital bed disappeared a little. I had been proud of her that day and it was comforting to relive the event again.

“Another time, during her 21st birthday, we organized a surprise birthday bash to celebrate the occasion. When she entered the house, we flicked on the lights and smashed the birthday cake into her face. Her facial expressions were hilarious. She didn’t know whether to be shocked, furious or delighted. Eventually, she resorted to chasing after everyone in the house.”

Loud laughter resonated off the four walls. I controlled the urge to laugh along with them. To be able to experience those moments once more and laugh at the adorable aspects of it was refreshing. The laughter gradually died down but the atmosphere in the room did not return to one of apprehension. I realised, over the past ten minutes, that although my sister might never return to my side, memories of her would still stay with me.

2008-03-09T22:36:00.004+08:00

Ho Ho Hum! Great FA Cup quarter-final weekend! Full of cupsets. =D

Manchester United lost to Portsmouth 1-0
Chelsea lost to BARNSLEY 1-0 *GASP*
Middlesbrough losing to Cardiff 2-0 (currently)

Imagine the final being barnsley vs bristol rovers... will it be the most boring final ever!

I just realised the amazing thickness of my bio notes. And it's so complex and cheem and i don't think i will be able to understand it. I don't even know what are the parts to read that are relevant to my learning and the bio curriculum! Does that mean i have to read all of it? But it's impossible!

2008-03-09T18:37:00.002+08:00

I'm using the computer now without wearing my specs. Strange! I'm worried that my eyesight is worsening so i try not to depend on my specs too much. O.o But somehow i feel that's not the right way to do things. Anyway, i realise i don't have to stare too close to the screen to see what i'm typing. Heh! Not bad yet.

It's been pretty uneventful the past... 2 days? What's keeping me kinda excited now is that liverpool is in good form. =P It's bittersweet being a liverpool supporter, there are very high highs (like now) and very low lows. Liverpool vs Man U is coming up real soon and I can't wait. =) For liverpool to exact revenge.

There's alot of stuff happening after the march hols. Squash inter-school nationals. Almost all of the sec 3s (including me) aren't in the team but mr chow says we have to "play a supporting role". The B div almost made it into the finals last year, it was really close. This year, i think we're prepared, almost there. Training is more strenuous, friendly matches, fitness, psychological. It's going to be a close battle with the other schools! Better be. We stand a chance, if the team hits top form and if Lady Luck loves us too. Our C div's standard isn't as good, but i hope they try their best and put in loads of effort.

There are many days after march hols which we don't have to go to school...
20 March - Community Day
21 March - Good Friday
24 March- Inter-house track and field finals
25-27 March - Staff Training
But it doesn't mean we get to relax. We have to compensate for the holidays we have. Like take and return. Take the holidays, return the mount-everest-sized load of h*******, p#######, essentially w@@@.

I simply love to exaggerate. H-Y-P-E-R-B-O-L-E

2008-03-05T22:30:00.001+08:00

This is so weird! I mean... my english blog.
Torres hat-trick =P
Soccer in the rain =
Sweating it out at the gym hall
One last day of term 1

Better go to bed

Randomness Chika

2008-03-01T20:54:00.005+08:00

I don't think I spoke at all throughout dinner. O.o

Today was spent at the house of kt doing social studies project. Specifically in a small black cozy room (that seemed like it was always nighttime and no daytime) with two computers and a PSP. I have the impression we actually managed to accomplish quite alot? And we didn't put in total+intense focus+concentration all the way, slacked awhile. I hope the content we did was alright. Link to utopia. Plz!

I left his house at 12 noon to go for my match at hollandse club. Yeah, Poh Lee Shing managed to beat two other opponents before today. On Thursday evening against a SJI sec 2 guy. 11-4, 11-4. Of all things... Lee Shing can't forget his opponent trying to do a strong forehand drive but whacking the ball against his thigh instead. Lee Shing got hit but his opponent won the point. Rules of the game. =) The pain subsided after awhile. Yesterday evening Lee Shing played against another SJI sec 2 guy. Made many silly silly silly shots/mistakes. Have to use his brain when he's playing lah! Cannot after the game then regret all the stupid decisions... like playing the ball BACK to his opponent instead of dropping, making his opponent run. Anyway the score? 11-10, 11-10. Lee Shing was losing 7-10 in the second set. Shows how close he was to losing! "Too close" Gosh. Almost gave his teacher-in-charge "a heart attack". I guess when he was down 7-10, he wasn't thinking about the score, just playing normally. Pheww.

Then today, Lee Shing vs Jun Wei. Teammates. Lee Shing played horribly and got thrashed. End of story. I think when people watched the match, they feel that Lee Shing didn't play with his heart in it. That's unfair. =( Why is it that whenever he tries, it's just not hard or good enough? Or maybe he's not trying, but always bluffing himself? What can he ever do!... stop complaining and for once, convert empty promises into real actions?

The video for leona's new single is out! Footprints in the sand. The video is really touching. Those poor children. =(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d08X2lN669k
Guarantee everyone will love this song as much as they loved bleeding love. Hopefully! Btw, footprints in the sand is released on a double A side with Better In Time. I dunno what that means... probably both songs released together. Anyway, Better In Time rocks too. =P

Alot of homework to do.

Going down to chaoyang school on weds to observe the lesson. I doubt we can hide at the back of the classroom and that the children with learning disabilities won't bother about us. They will be excited to see us. Uhhh that's what... the person there said. Just wonder what will happen. =P

Oh yeah. I forgot to remind Jia Chen on thursday night to bring his ORA card on friday. I was supposed to remind him, form teacher told me to. So I felt really down and guilty when he was forced to go back home to take his card. It was weighing on my heart for a long while, like I was partly to blame.

Then she (my form teacher) said, "So Yee Shing, you forgot to remind Jia Chen?"

-Tired nod of my head-

"Well, it seems like no one is really reliable. Who can i trust in this class?"

Maybe i quoted wrongly and that wasn't really what she said. But it just made it worse because the obvious impression is that I am unreliable and can't be trusted upon.

Won't put any lame quotes. Can't remember them anyway. New season of american idol, david archuleta is a p-r-o.

2008-02-25T21:50:00.010+08:00

What Yee Shing Means

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

2008-02-25T20:48:00.006+08:00

I just realised my name is spelled as Poh Lee Shing by those hollandse club people. My name is really that strange and difficult to spell correctly hur! My match is this thursday at 6.15. I don't think i have any idea how to get there. Hope i play well and win?

Did i just say that i wanna do well for maths cct today in my previous post? Well i guess i can't keep my promises. A faker. Because i completely screwed it up. Imagine... it's only a test with 2 pages, on one darned sheet of paper, and i'm actually that incompetent to be unable to do the darned questions. I will just die for the rest of the year then. This cct is supposed to help us ISN'T IT (like what mr chua always says) and i just CAN'T take this chance to do well. "Why? What happened?" I don't know at all okay, i don't know. Maybe because i panicked. Maybe because i didn't keep my composure. Maybe because i'm just not proficient enough at maths. Maybe it's one of the worst tests i've taken, because I realise that I shouldn't have been that dumb to not know how to do all the questions. Maybe I didn't study hard enough, but then what to call all the time spent on doing the supplementary worksheets, paying attention in class, practising sums in tuition? Meaning i just can't even remember what i did for one day and apply it to the darned test.
In any case, my results are dropping. It's like riding a bicycle down a steep slope, just not that exhilarating. Fine, accuse me of not concentrating and not studying hard enough. I slack too much. If i have to study any harder, it might as well be 24/7.

I want to have a resolution to do well in term 2 but there's no point. Since i can never keep to what i promise myself. Not just academically. What happened to my facebook resolution to live instead of exist?

After the test, I wanted to concentrate all my pent-up frustration, anger and despair on the run at macritchie. But like i always do awhile later after any test, i try to deceive and lie to myself that i didn't do too badly. Today, i kina succeeded in lying to myself, then failed because i discovered i did another question wrongly. The 6km run was okay. Huffed and puffed throughout and i so wanted it to just clear my mind off any bad stuff. I guess it didn't really work though. When i finished running, it all felt so surreal again. It didn't feel like i've ran at all. Like going back in time. I've been feeling it... stuff just seems so unreal. At least the sprinting managed to make me much more tired that i didn't really have the energy to think much.

Went home with felix on 156. Guess who we saw? The one and only (or more?) BG aka weird person who lives in KFC checking out, particularly, people from my school. As usual, he was craning his neck throughout the bus journey to stare at felix and me while smiling so widely. Are we that attractive? No wait. I'm not. Is felix that irresistable (to BG)? Haha we were laughing at him alot on the bus and i think he knew. Poke fun at him. Haha. Or have a staring competition with him. He can't last long anyway. Easily out-stared.

I should feel ashamed for thinking of complaining about my life because the sec 2s are more stressed than me now. Oh wait gosh i haven't done any hw/studying yet. I don't want to fall any further.

Can't trust me
Wish could write as nice a paragraph as josiah('s)

2008-02-24T21:19:00.002+08:00

Hmm I have no idea why i put that song over there. All the clips of mariah carey's "Touch My Body" on imeem are 30 seconds long. Gahh! If not i would have used it since it sounds great.

My uncle's mother just passed away. It's kind of difficult to believe? Just saw her on the first day of chinese new year, although unconscious. I can't imagine having the amount of courage and fighting spirit to continue living in an unconscious state for... 3 years? I don't know. It's just so surreal? I don't know. I think she played a part in taking care of me when i was really young.

Anyway, maths test tomorrow which i wanna do well. Please! It's better to forget all about last week. At least it's over. And bio on tuesday where apparently we're so far behind I seriously doubt we have even 50% of the knowledge needed to take the test? Like wad-eva! It's not really the teacher's fault. I guess!

Oh and i just can't understand why i slack so much. Where's the good attitude hur! Macritchie run tomorrow. I must run out a good timing if not i'll be letting myself down. Already I've beaten myself up for being lazy and not going for run on saturday morning. No more excuses! No more complaints. Just to myself.

2008-02-14T20:34:00.002+08:00

BIG YAY-YAY
Bought leona lewis' album today! The CD is out the CD is out! I got spirit on valentine's day! How appropriate! Ultimate! =) Darn the lame critics/review-er who only gave the album 3 stars. La-la-la.

I won't mention anything about work since i've blabbered SO much about it. =P Today... went to HM Tea. Well it wasn't exactly the headmaster who turned up but the deputy headmistress. The food was nice-ee. Haha. And there were tons of leftovers! It was quite okay... I listened attentively to what was being said. Muaharx! And the issues talked about were okay... like merger and stuff. The idea of RI, RGS and RJC merging. Hmm... One thing was that everything seemed to be so slippery! Before the whole thing started, weixuan managed to use his amazing skills to attempt to catch my plate when he knocked it over, but one chicken drumstick still dropped onto the floor. LoL i used a tissue paper to wrap it up (wanted to throw it away obviously) then weixuan said it looked like i was da-bao-ing food away. And i dropped my fork too! Clumzy =P Haha gosh i'm talking about irrelavant stuff.

Tomorrow... what's on tomorrow? Oh yeah grandma's birthday. Big dinner... LAO YU SHENG, shark's fin and all. And it's the weekendd!

weekend weekend

2008-02-10T17:32:00.000+08:00

I want to play FIFA 08 but i'm controlling myself and not playing because of work. Yes the infamous four letter or eight letter words.

H-O-M-E-W-O-R-K
T-E-S-T
E-X-A-M
P-R-O-J-E-C-T-S

Can't help but feel really sian. Wish school didn't start tomorrow. Digging a hole and burying myself in it sounds like a very good idea. I don't want to remember what else there is to do. Just let me sleep, sleep, sleep. =)

On the bright side (yes there's a bright side =D) it's cny period. On the brighter side, bleeding love stays at number ONE on 987 top 20 for a second consecutive week. I voted three times. Yay. That's the only nice thing i can think of...

I desperately wish for new songs that are really great.

Please
Please
Please

Oh yeah and for liverpool to whack chelsea

2008-02-05T20:55:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday cristiano ronaldo! (one of the best players in the league now along with adebayor) Wow 5 Feb. I appreciate his really good soccer talents and skills, so i'm wishing him happy birthday. =P Unlike carlos tevez, another man utd player, it's his birthday, but he's not as good as cristiano ronaldo, so too bad. Muahaha.

Bleeding love has a new music video. It's the official US mv. So now, bleeding love has two worldwide renowned music videos. That's called unique. =) Special.

I really want to do my work now but i'm having a headache and feeling unusually warm all over. Basically, quite unwell. Gahh it was getting better just now. Sick and tired. Today, i was in a pretty... unhappy mood. Probably because at the start of the day in the morning, I felt sleepy. Sleppy > Cranky. Then no one wanted to represent the class and attend HM Tea so everyone came up with crappy, fake excuses to get out of it. Which was really pissing and maybe that's why i had a charcoal-ed look on my face? In the end, wx and i were chosen to go. Or rather, one of the only choices. Because we don't have "track n field heats". On the negative side of things, next week i'll be having training on monday, tuesday, wednesday and friday training sec 1s and now thursday HM Tea? I'll be totally drained out and it's the period of all the tests and i'll probably not have time to study or even rest and i'll just faint. On the positive side of things, i'm unknowingly making my sec 3 year a significant, meaningful one instead of sec 1 and 2 when i was probably loitering around lifelessly, maybe? I'm already making a good start, with attending HM Tea and 400m track. Or not.

After that was bio. Mr Law is really an interesting and nice teacher. And unbelievably for chinese, we got to watch i not stupid 2 for the whole period. Gosh. For english, we went through comprehension. My stomach was growling as usual before recess. After recess was maths. Two marks gone because i didn't label properly. Gosh. Coordinate geometry is really tedious. Bleah. Assembly was a LIVELY class interaction. Derek addressed many many class issues. Haha. Anyone who uses vulgarities or makes obscene gestures and innuendos have to pay $1 to the class fund. For inter-class soccer, the league format makes it much more interesting.
Lezneh has a serious attitude problem.

Lastly, RE. It was ghastly. Apparently our first three choices wouldn't be accepted because of mass appeal. Acres, SPCA, Macpherson. And there flew away our hopes of doing an animal-related project which we really wanted. Argh. Plus the teacher (anonymous) saw that we didn't have any ideas for such Acres and SPCA projects, just waiting for instructions, so i think she thought we didn't really deserve to do that area of research. So her impression of us just zoomed down right into the ground at that moment. I didn't like it (no i didn't) when she said "Maybe your sec 2 RE was relaxed". Well, our sec 2 RE wasn't relaxed okay. At least we didn't research on why people are late for school. Fine. I suggested that we try something new and we chose a project that was interesting but extremely demanding. When we told her our decision, she just looked shocked and it was obvious she had 0% confidence in us. Like "Uhhh... them? They can do it?" Darned discouraging. The teachers desribed to us our project, "bringing us through an exciting learning experience" and okay it seems TOUGH x 100. It's like. If we fail, we die. If we don't work hard, we die. If we don't show 120% commitment, we die. If we aren't creative and think of new ideas, we die. If we're lacking and lousy, we die. If we're just plain not good enough. Maybe i'm exaggerating, but hey. Out of the whole school, we're the "only brave souls willing to take on this challenge".
Okay i know i'm darned negative and that's a lousy attitude of mine but i'm looking on the bright side. I'm going to try my best. And the significance of that means alot.

So i strongly believe that tomorrow will be the last day i will have fun for a very very very long time. Prepare to work, tire, struggle and faint myself out. With all the tests coming after CNY, i'll just watch and see how i'm going to survive. I bought a new racket. Like finally! Haha. Because the bumper's coming off in my old racket (which served me well for an amazing 2 years and more), the string eventually came out. So i'm just using it as a spare after it's re-strung for me by coach. I'm slowly having more confidence while playing squash, using my brains, improving.

One Step At A Time

Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you
And maybe turning my back would be that much easier
Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange
But I can't watch you walk away

Can I forget about the good times that we've been through
Would I let you walk away?

But even if I made a vow
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

*Edit
YEAH SOME OF MY POST DISAPPEARED AND I HAD TO RE-TYPE CERTAIN PARTS. SIGH. while someone has done quite alot of work harh.

2008-02-04T21:51:00.000+08:00

Oh my so weird! I just watched a video in dutch language which i didn't understand a single word at all but i still continued watching it until the end. The video was about a contestant called nikki singing in dutch idol. Haha. It seems like she's a really great singer. Because... her voice is powerful? Because... she got a huge applause, much cheering, standing ovations, from the crowd and judges? Because... the video is one of the most watched ones. XD So nikki must be pro. But heh everything was in dutch, the song, the judges' comments, i need a translator! I wanna know what she sang and what they said! Then oh my sunny day guess what? I came across another video where nikki sang BLEEDING LOVE during one of the rounds of dutch idol. Gosh. She got abit of the words wrong but she sang it quite well. Standing ovations from judges again. But i still believe leona sings bleeding love da bestzz! That's how biased i am. XD

Chasing pavements - Adele
About You Now - Sugababes
Lovestory - Katharine McPhee

I got cramp during PT training this afternoon. X( It's my first time getting cramp in my 14 years of existance... i think? And it happened in a really unexpected way. My legs felt okay, no ache at all, and only after we completed the run and sprints, while doing the cooling down jog, while sprinting 100m, halfway, suddenly the back muscle of my right leg squeezed/clammed/closed up, and i hopped like a rabbit. I bet my sentence doesn't make sense. Oh and though the distance was shorter, my abdomen area hurt-ed painfully. Must be because i took bus instead of mrt today. Bus 13 doesn't bring good luck to help me maintain stamina. Lesson learnt.

Crushcrushcrush - Paramore
Goodies - Ciara

Maths TA. To be honest, very very honest, disappointed. I know I know! My expectations are too high. Stupid me. But that's just me okay, how i feel. Didn't get what i expected, what i thought i would get. Garh. And if it happens that i made silly mistakes, i will have to whack myself more. Getting all worked up over a 15 marks test. Small minded. =X

Let's Start From Here - Joanna Wong

I didn't do any work at all today. Not a single bit. Guilty guilty. I did stare at maths but i had no inkling how to solve the question. I didn't try hard enough? Arrhh! Tomorrow's timetable seems really okay, like I don't have to feel pressed up over all the lessons. Can just take it slowly. Easy to guess what i'm doing now. Muttons =) They're going to couples all over singapore to sing serenades, giving them a special valentine's day, giving them presents, flowers. Sweet!